Julie, I've just found your post it was on an older forum.  I hope all goes well with the wedding and that you are coping.  It's a fight but coming out the other end is worth it, as we found out today!    So chin up and post some gorgeous photos for us all to see. Xx

When we arrived at the hospital yesterday we were told to go for an X ray, this threw us as we'd had an MRI scan over three weeks ago.  This meant I had to find a wheel chair, the ones that only go forward or backwards  so I told hubby not to make an issue of my so called driving, nothing is simple,  all the doors were fire doors so pushing them open and him at the same time is hard.  The X ray department is lower ground so lifts involved needless to say our lot were out of order.  Back upstairs same procedure and I park the chair whilst he finds a seat.  When I find him the chair next to him is huge, I sit down, my feet don't even touch the floor and I look like Alice in wonderland perched on her ginormous seat!   A nurse comes to get us and laughs at my situation,  apparently these seats are for obese people,  you could have fitted three of me in it.  Karen our Mc Millan nurse takes us in a private room, why have I had to have an X ray he asks when I've just had a MR I,  she didn't know we'd had one, what a waste of time and resources and on my part extra work when we we're already stressed.  The scar tissue from radiotherapy is so dense they can't see what's behind it, having seen the scan it's difficult to know how losing so much lung function means you still can breathe.  Alfie is having a swimming party today,  he's turning out to be such a lovely young man and we are very proud of him.  Ella has just gone into her first year and been chosen as a councillor so she has a badge as well.  I text Lisa, nephew Head Boy,  niece school councillor,  it's a Stockley takeover she replies.  I've been to town to have coffee and scone in peace and bought some moth hanging plastic thingymybobs, I'll get the little blighters after eating my luxury cashmere.   I wouldn't mind but it's the first time ever I've purchased cashmere as it's so expensive, that'll teach me to splash the cash.  Have a decent weekend all of you.  Sue has not been in touch as it was the funeral yesterday , I hope all went as she had wished. Xx

Hi Carol, I dont know why imaging depts in hospitals are always sort of hidden/or awkward locations.  Our hospital being on a hill and taking up the whole block wasn't as bad as most.  Main entrace to the hospital was the level 3.  but on the other side you had the cancer centre which was level 1, imaging was yet another side and you entered on level 2..  Much easier to access from outside but could be very confusing from inside the hospital.  Your grandchildren sound lovely and you should be very proud of them.  You get them Carol,  I would have been so cross  if anything got eaten, cashmere or not.  I don't have a lot cashmere, only a jacket which a little cashmere in it.  Do have some yarn which is over 50% cashmere to make a shawl once I can concentrate on knitting.
The funeral went well, the weather was very kind, and I was told by many that his send off was how he would have wanted.  I knew he was well liked and respected but I was shown just how much.  I miss him already.  Mr. Higgins (1 of the cats) does too, He has jumped on my lap tonight, kneaded, and curled up, granted only for 5 minutes or so, but it was the first time he has done that to me, although he frequently did with Neil.
What wonderful new you got Carol, with Norman's results.  So happy for you both and your daughters too.
Going to head to bed and hoping I sleep like I did earlier.
Take care.  Love to you all.  Sue xx

Dear Sue,  I've read your private message and replied to that more fully.  Cats are funny, Lisa has two and when I was down last time Lisa, Anthony and I sat on the sofa, Eve a rescue cat jumped up curled on my knee and went to sleep, Anthony looked at me and said she Never sat on his knee, I think he was quite upset!  Strictly tonight, so have a decent sleep and we'll talk tomorrow. Xx

Hi Sue. Sending you and your family lots of love and hugs. I know what you are going through. I lost my lovely husband 12 years ago to cancer. Hope you have a decent nights sleep. He will always be with you. I talk to my Dennis all the time and all through my cancer I feel he was there for me. xxx

Dear Carol,  Cats are funny, we have 2, Mr Higgins is a beautiful purebred ragdoll, he was bought for me, but decided he belonged to Neil, he barely acknowledged me. The other is a rescue, Miss Cooikie. and when she felt comfortable here, decided I was hers, she just climbs on my knee almost any time I sit, she is very chatty, and we have wonderful conversations, and seems to know if I'm down.  She really is a sweet cat.  Not too sure what kind of life she had before we got her, as she is terrified of the doorbell and most visitors and hides as soon as anyone comes.  This last week has been really hard on her.  Mr Higgins on the other hand almost greets visitors at the door, although he is not keen on Bree's kids, they are just a little too boisterous for him.  I'm hoping he will eventually show her that visitors are ok.

Sue xx

Hi Gloria,  Thank you.  I did have a good sleep last night.  I went to bed at 5pm and slept through till nearly 11pm (that alone was the longest I'd had in weeks), got up for a few hours then went back to bed and slept again, on and off till midday.  I have spoken to him a few times and expect I will even more once I am by myself here without Deana and Nick.  I'm so sorry you lost your husband.  Take care.  Sue xx

 This last line really got to me. I have acute myeloid leukaemia i also had a stem cell transplant in March. i keep saying i want my old self back. When am i going to be normal again. Its like ive lost my identity. But my husband keeps pointing out to me all the small steps of improvement i am making. Just take each day a step at a time . I know how hard it is for you as it is for my husband.In some ways worse for you as patients partner. My husband can remember so much more of what i went through than i can. I hope the anti biotics work soon, Bless you both and stay strong for each other.

Dear Carol, I can only imagine the weight that has been lifted, getting stable disease result from the scan.  So happy for you both.  I know exactly what you mean about driving a different car, I have never driven Neil's. I have no intention of driving it.  I'll stick with mine. I do reverse, but mine has sensors so it beeps at me once I get too close to anything,  Couldn't live without that now.  As to whether you should keep posting.  Why not, you are still living with cancer, stable but still cancer.  Your so called "ramblings" have been honest, on occasion given me some laughs, and I've enjoyed your accounts immensely.  So yes, keep posting.

Sue xx