Hi ANNIE,  I'm not stressed it's just every day living when you have a sick hubby, two daughters, three grandchildren and try to keep all of them happy.  I just feel that because I cope so well they all think I don't need them, but I do.  The problem is we've tried to let them live their lives without worrying too much and it's obviously worked too well!!   Marriage isn't easy and even though cancer is in it like a black cloud you still have to be normal, which means falling out,  not speaking, making up and living life as normal as possible.   This is why I write every day, whether it's a good or bad one and we've certainly had more good than bad.  So take care of that foot, six weeks is a long way off to be hobbling around.   Perhaps you could look on line to see if there is any help to show you what to do. Xx

One of the things I like about your posts is, well, the normality of everyday life.   I mentioned a few days ago that I felt you were running as fast as you could to stay in the same place and I feel that  it is sometimes a bit difficult to be all things to all people.  It is probably a good thing that you can sulk and throw wobblies!  My sister once said to my mum that she had left her husband because she was fed up.  My mum retaliated that if she had left her marriage whenever she was fed up neither of we daughters would be here!  Even in the best of circumstances I know it is not always easy living with somebody.  I think you are generally doing an excellent job and it does no harm to let your family know that you need a bit of consideration from time to time!  Maybe they think you are doing such a good job that they don't need or like to butt in on what is going on? Annie

Hi ANNIE,  your Mum was spot on, us oldies take married life as it comes, good and bad!  I have a friend who's just 45 years old, two young children and has just called time on her second marriage because she doesn't need a man and can manage on her own.  Why bother getting married in the first place? Lisa has obviously realised I wasn't happy with my allotted time and is staying longer.   Norman seems to have settled himself back down and I've had a lovely day, so swings and roundabouts! !  Look after that foot of yours. Xx

It's Lisa's 40th and we try to face time but both our Internet connection are rubbish so we talk by phone instead.  We all say how much we love each other and we are looking forward to seeing them soon.  I'm now getting more than a day and a half so my strop paid off.  She asks Dad how he is and he says he's good apart from his hands.  These hands have got him out of washing up because he drops everything,  but as it's all he does in the home I've ended up doing that as well!  If I try to put it in the dish washer I get a lecture about how long it's on for and it's cheaper to wash up.  This brings to mind a friend of ours who was putting the dishes in his and he passed out and fell head first into it, his wife had to call the fire brigade and an ambulance as she couldn't shift him!  So today Mary picks me up for our afternoon tea at Hardwick Hall , we have a little alcove all to ourselves a glass of prosecco and toast Lisa.  Mary has known me since before she was born, so it had to be her I took with me.  Stuffed with sandwiches , scones, cake and tea I come home and change into stretchy trousers!  Hubby looks better today but the heat is making him tired and he's not eaten, so a fish and chip tea is ordered!  A pretty good day overall.  

It's very hot again and keeps threatening to be a storm, which we could do with. I take hubby a cup of tea and he's had a fight with the duvet again, his hands hurt and his wrists are swollen.   I suggest staying in bed but he's on a mission to take me into town (unfortunately )) so at ten O'clock he puts the TV on, opens his paper as if we have all the time in the world.  I'm meeting Mary in half an hour so I make him turn it off.  I make it with two minutes to spare!  Mary is fed up as Joe is not well as his back is bad and he's talking about cancelling Japan and their break in Tenerife but keeps hopping between, yes I'll be alright to he doesn't think he'll make it.  I smile as this is my daily life and now it's happening to her.  Anyway she says that men seem to rule our lives and to change the subject!!  I walk back to wait for him to pick me up and sit on a seat next to a elderly lady, eating a pork pie, she tells me she needs to eat as she's on steroids, promptly drops them under the bench which I then have to crawl under as she can't reach!  This is the problem when you don't look your age, everyone asks you to help.  Hubby had opened the wound on his heal again, is it never going to heal?  Lisa texts from Barcelona thrilled at where she is.  It's nice having lovely son in law's,  I'm very lucky.  See you tomorrow 

There is no sign of hubby by 8pm and I'm starting to get worried.   He went out at 2pm and I've not heard from him since, so I do a cold meat  tea, grab a vodka and tonic and hope all a well.  He finally arrives home saying he's had a lovely time with Bob and Don, I ask if he couldn't have called me, well you could have called me he says, so stale mate!  Coming home at 8pm is like most normal people coming home at Midnight!  I tell Faye that when she rings and we both laugh at me worrying about him, at this rate I may well be able to leave him alone for a few days.  We watch the football (yes even I watch it) the last time I watched a full ,match was 1966!  It's really hot and close today and lots of little flies are annoying me, so I've given up trying to sit out.  We've had a full day with no complaints,  that's one for the diary.  See you tomorrow 

I love my Sunday mornings,  a pan a raisin, fresh coffee, theYou magazine back page,writer Liz Jones and best of all, hubby in the bath!  We were going to have a run out but I'm suffering in the heat today, being eaten by harvest flies and wishing it would rain.  Hubby comes down about 12.45 so I make bacon sandwiches and we decide to go nowhere! His heel is really bad so the super plasters have made things ten times worse, a visit to the GP is being booked tomorrow,  six months of this is not good.  The grand prix is on live, which he loves so we decide well watch it, have a couple of beers and make the most of home.  We discuss how the lung cancer has never bothered him but the after effects of treatment are lingering on after all these months.   But we are pragmatic and realise without it he would probably be in a worse situation than we are.  So take care all my lovely cancer/carers people and enjoy what's left of the day.

I hate to say it but this hot weather is too much of a good thing.  Am feeling a bit sad because a couple who live nearby and walk their dog in the same park are moving out of London today up to Lincolnshire.  They are so my type of people, always lots of things to talk about and although I promise to go up there soon it will be a wrench not seeing at least one of them in the park most days.  I will probably be knocking on their door sooner than they expect; I have a sort-of plan to travel north when my foot is better taking in  people I want to see in the way.  Heaven knows when this will happen but will let you know..  At home it is all football and the pub which is what Paul likes;  he was quite ill yesterday so I stayed in to keep an eye on him and I ended up watching the football (both the afternoon and the evening games) - in which I had precious little interest - so I could tell him the highlights when he felt a bit better.  And I could have been in the pub with my two friends and other dog-walkers!  The people whose house backs on to mine had one of their barbecues yesterday evening; Muffin has started digging a hole under the fence to try to get to the smell of food - he refuses to stop and I have to put up home-made barricades which he keeps trying to destroy. Also he keeps covering himself in mud from digging with his paws and nose.   Your poor old hubby, problems with both hands and feet; hope the doctor manages to help him.  Annie

I am struggling with the heat at night, devoid of sleep I am not feeling good!  I gave up at one thirty this morning and sat in the cool conservatory drinking cold milk and looking at the garden lights until I cooled down.  I get up at 8.00 am to call the surgery, number fifty in the queue but we get an appointment.   His wounds are infected,  so a swab is taken and we're back Thursday for the result.  This is never ending but what can we do?  Funny story, the receptionist asks which foot it is, I'm not sure if it's because I'm tired but I actually can't remember which leg he has left!  I have to imagine myself standing next to him to tell her it's the left one.  Hubby is amused when I tell him and says he's going to tell Faye. I wish it would rain rather than just threaten as it makes it humid and uncomfortable.   I actually saw a flock of swifts when I was sat out at 8pm last night, so I ran in to tell him, guess what he said, they were probably starlings!   Are all men disbelieving of their wives observations or is it just mine, they definitely were not starlings! ! See you tomorrow