I am still awake at 2.00 am with a song going round and round in my head.  Why am I not asleep?  I get up have some pain killers, nod off and hubby wakes me up at 3.00 am needing the toilet after all the guiness!  By 8.00 am next doors window is being knocked out and a new one fitted.  Hubby is up first as he has an appointment,  great a cup of tea made for me!!  I should have known better.   He's put a tea bag in a cup but used all the boiled water as he wasn't sure when I was coming down he says.  I hang around in my night gear as I'm going out at 11.30 this morning,  this just makes me feel tired and I seriously think about cancelling my do.. But I don't and it was brilliant.   My dress was much discussed (borrowed from a friend who bought it in Egypt) loads of Charleston dancing displays, beautiful afternoon tea and I won first prize in the raffle  Everyone congratulates me and say I deserve it after the year I've had.  How lovely to say that to me.  So I call Mary and say we will enjoy it together as a thank you to her.  So Hardwick Hall thanks for the gift of tea for two and we are really looking forward to it.  Hubby is good today and has been my chauffeur he looked very handsome in his new jumper.   See you tomorrow. 

A good night's sleep for us both but hubby still has a horrid morning cough.  I think I will have to get used to it but it reminds me of the cancer invading his lung and my mind takes time to recover. All I have to do today is food shop and cook, it's 4.5 degrees again and so cold I have to wear a winter coat.  So hubby has gone to check his golf buggy, which means he wants a ride out!  So I'm watching TV on my new Now box instead of poor people's tv as my husband calls it.  So wrap up warm all of you and take care. Xx

Hiya.  So pleased you had a good day out.  Ups and downs; ups and downs.  The return visit of the Beast from the East hasn't reached London yet; in fact the last couple of days have been comparatively pleasant.  When I took Muffin (my little bichon frise) to the park seven of his doggie friends were there, of all sizes, and they zoomed around the park playing doggie games and eventually tired themselves out.  The cold does make me miserable, it always has so I am longing for spring to be finally here.  I imagine you are too.  Sorry about hubby's encroaching cough; nothing I can say really except you are doing great stuff.  Thanks for keeping us up to date.  Annie

Hi ANNIE,  lucky you with a little bit better weather.   I had to go out in a sleeveless thin flapper dress for the 1920 do.  I was frozen after jeans and boots for months!  A few new clothes for spring hang in my wardrobe I'll be lucky to wear them this year.  Love dogs but too much to cope with nowadays.   Take care  Carol

It's a blizzard again!  I have had to buy another winter coat due to leaving my new coat down south last February and because of hubby I couldn't go any more.  Each time my younger daughter comes to us she forgets it!  So I put the new one on plus hat scarf and gloves and am chauffered into town.  I buy Easter presents for the children and an Egg for older daughter as they are coming home before going to the Isle of White, (surprise phone call last night ).  The others are off to New York again,  so money for them.  Ella is excited about coming and they have been talking about moving nearer but son in law works down South. Ella says he can catch a train up here each day,  it must be lovely to be five years old and make plans that you can only dream of.  So I've bought some wool to knit her a cardigan for the summer, she's  very fussy so let's hope she likes it!!  It's beef curry for tea (protein) and batten down the hatches.  See you tomorrow. 

I have to dig my car out again and battle my way to get milk and Sunday Papers.   I have to find another hat as mine blew off in the wind yesterday and by the time someone retrieves it for me it was filthy!  We think about going out for a bit of lumch but common sense prevails and we batten down the hatches again and stay warm.  Hubby is still suffering with wounds and I am upset that they still look red and livid, when will they heal?  He seems to have accepted that they are not healing but thinks they look better.  The treatments have halved the tumour but caused many other problems.  It's never ending but you actually become used to it.  So take care all of you.x

Despite the snow, wind and minus 4 degrees I manage to get hubby to run me too Dunelm Mill.  When the family came home they just shoved all the toys into  the small wardrobe leaving no room for clothes!  So I spent two hours clearing out the room and using my baskets to stack everything neatly.  This had a knock on effect of leaving my room like a bomb site, so we needed new storage.  I would prefer to go on my own, meander around and have coffee and a lemon poppy seed muffin but hubby is desperate to get out!  He's getting his new leg on Friday and we're hoping this will help him cope better.  He's chatting to our window cleaner through the kitchen window, freezing the kitchen out, so I'm warm in the front room writing this blog.  The cancer sems to not be discussed by either of us but it's underlying existence is evident when things go awry.   This morning he is meant to be on four steroids however he insists it's six, anger at being wrong and not in charge flare out of him, so I tell him to overdose as I'm not arguing with him.  Needless to say this makes him think and I write down the dose for him day by day.  I then tell him he needs to lose the attitude when I disagree with him.  Silence for half an hour then a kiss and a hug show me it's been taken on board!  Cancer is anger, rage, loss of a normal life and all in all a nasty bit of work.  See you tomorrow .

I check hubby is OK and escape to my class, we all look at the photos taken last Thursday and agree we all looked pretty good for our age!  Back home hubby seems OK but apparently my  mathematics on  the countdown steroids is obviously wrong as he has loads left!   I should have known he wouldn't accept the status quo but explain that he has a month's supply, oh he says I didn't realise,  the treatment has frazzled his brain and he doesn't listen to more than half a conversation,  but I do or he wouldn't still be here!  Yesterday I tried to sort the new tax codes out as my filing system is full so I thought he could help by putting aside the last three years codings,  you would have thought I had asked him to sit an exam, he made it so difficult.   I didn't give in though as this seems to be his way of not doing a thing that stretches his mind and it needs stretching!  So he managed and seemed quite pleased with himself, I am going to try and do this a little bit more when he gets his new prosthetic leg and can expend more energy into everyday life rather than TV and newspapers.   I have been invited out to lunch tomorrow as a belated birthday present by my sister in law as so much has happened we have never got round to it even though it was last November! ! So a nice day ahead.  

Hi Caz,

Just noting a bit in your post there about flashing at each other and encouragement to do stuff. I'm cogntively impaired though thankful for it as it keeps away any deprression and negative thoughts and allows me to live in the moment. It does mean though that I miss loads of conversation and I can see that other people are either not recognising it and expecting too much or become frustrated such that I can quickly feel that I'm being bullied.

Same with any encouragement. Although I see it for what it is, I can feel bullied.

I'm not being bullied, I'm being cared for and actively thought about but my immediate feelings can be wrong and make me feel this way. Again luckily, these feelings are transient, lasting only a few seconds.

I also find that my wife and I occasionally, with just a word or expression, suddenly end up rapidly escalating nothing into an argument/ slanging match but it soon blows over.

Regards

Taff