Hi Mandy,

Sorry to hear about your Mum's dilemma. I am not a doctor, but it might be worth phoning the nurses on this site for advice. The number is FREEPHONE and they are very helpful.

As far as I understand, primary refers to a primary site, which hasn't begun to spread, whereas secondary indicates that it has spread to other areas.

As far as life expectancy is concerned, it is usually shortened in secondary cancer, but nobody can forecast by how much. Chemo can often help to slow down the growths, but it doesn't stop them altogether.

My mother had breast cancer which spread to her liver, lungs, brain and bone. It is best to try and create good memories together rather than dwelling on a secondary diagnosis. Try to help your Mum out by doing some of her housework, helping her by cutting her nails and washing her hair, etc.

Does anyone accompany your Mum to her hospital visits? This can be very helpful, both or your Mum, who will not be able to remember all that is said at her consultations and it will also help you to ask questions which might worry you, but not your mum. It is also beneficial to help your Mum draw up a list of questions for the Oncologist.

Thinking of you both and hoping that you get a proper diagnosis soon.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thanks so much. I'm feeling positive that even though she may be given a "terminal" diagnosis that we will still have some time with her. She is perfectly well and happy at present with no pain and no symptoms. I was just really shocked that for this type of secondary cancer we might be looking at months and not years. Hoping when we meet with oncologist we can get a more precise timeframe. 

Hi Mandy,

I am glad to hear that your Mum is still happy and well with no pain or symptoms. This is the time to make the most of her good health and it gives you time to try and make special memories with her. Does she have a bucket list of things that she'd like to do or people she might like to catch up with? If so help her to facilitate these.

Try to let her tell you how she feels and discuss things with her if she wants. Try to put a positive slant on things - not easy I know, but do the best to be positive when you are with her. Don't be afraid to cry when you're not with her. Let the tears flow as this is a great release valve for you..

There are many people on here who have been given  a timescale, yet they have already lived well over the time that the care team had estimated. I guess what I'm saying is that nobody can predict with any accuracy the length of time that any of us will live, so don't let any prediction upset her. It is only a guesstimate.

Has your Mum been given an appointment with the Oncologist yet? I hope that she doesn't have too long to wait before she is seen

Keep us posted on how she gets on..

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx