Hello, I was diagnosed late last December. I had a lot of swings with it in the beginning and I'm going through one now as I try to get used to Tamoxifen. In my first 2 weeks I'd be absolutely fine one moment and without any warning dissolve into tears. It was frustrating. It's easily to look at it all logically and be positive and convince yourself and the others in your life it's all going to be ok, and then out of nowhere emotion kicks logic out of the door. It's a big shock at the beginning is the hardest when you are waiting for more information and for things to happen. I think these ups and downs are quite normal and I hope you have lots of support. I picked myself up by being open about it, having people around me, keeping busy and going out. I wasn't sure how I'd be through surgery and radiotherapy so I made a point of seeing all my friends, going to museums and doing all sorts of things I had been putting off like de-cluttering parts of the house. I also accepted that I'd get upset. The upset would hit me and then I'd be ok again. I hope you'll find what works for you. Sending you lots of love! Leah

Hi Reebok1, You are not alone! I expect 99.9% of the people on here know exactly how you are feeling. The first tests & diagnosis can be the worst part. All the uncertainty, all the Unanswered questions, lack of information & my particular favourite, lack of control just drain you. This will probably be one of the hardest things you ever have to do. Your body & brain are in shock. They are trying to process this unfathomble information regarding your diagnosis. Give them time, you'll bounce back. It's hard to be positive all the time. I can be super positive 98% of the time but I need that 2% for letting the scary out. A good cry can heal & if the cry lasts 2 days or 3 days so be it, just don't do it alone. There are people here who can lend you an ear, understand how you feel, cry with you if you let them. I hated the feeling of not being able to turn my brain off. At 2am when everyone else was sleeping ( & I had been trying unsuccessfully to sleep for hours) I would Knit, it made me think about something else. Stitch, drop, stitch, drop ( or in my case drop, stitch, hole, drop - I am the worst knitter!) . I even made a scarf for my 9 year old, it awful, truly awful, she loves it but would never wear it outside the house, lol. You just need to find something new to occupy your mind, sudoku, crosswords, scrap booking, origami. Sounds stupid I know but the mundane worked for me. What harm could it do to try. I really hope you feel better soon, I'll be thinking about you. Sending you love & hugs xx Cliche I now, but it will get better. The more information you get the more in control you feel.