Hi,

Welcome to this forum. I have had and recovered from prostate cancer but it was no where near as seroiouse as your cancer.. But over the years I have now lost eleven members of my family to cancer. and a lot of close friends as well.

What has happened in my case is it has made me determined to do what little I can to help others.  I have joined several cancer charities and post most days on here. I feel so lucky as I know of a few people whos PSA for prostate cancer was near to mine and they have since passed away.

It has made me feel vunerable to see my family and friends pass away butit has also made me appreciate all the little things in life most of us take so much for granted. I have surprised myself for joining these charity groups as it was something I would never have done before the cancer came into my life. I can honestly say to you, I am now enjoying life more than ever before.

Its often said you dont know what you have util you lose it ;well its equally true when you think you may lose it like when you are told you have cancer for you immediatly think your time is limited. I realized how many good things I had in my life and I made a decision to make the most of my life.

What you are feeling is quite a natural reaction for having cancer is a life changing experiance, especially when you have had it as bad as you did. I hope you will soon feel differnt and that you stay cancer free.  Sending best wishes and kind thoughts your way, Brian..

Hi,

What you are experiencing is pretty normal. The two things having cancer has taught me is that there is no such thing as normal and that life is unfair!

Survivor guilt isn't something most people can understand. I still have an incurable cancer but I'm still alive and kicking three years on and even that can bring feelings of guilt when I know people who were diagnosed after me have died.

Talk to other survivors about your feelings and do your best to let it go. Get help if you think that might be useful - counselling, therapy, drugs or whatever you need to break the depression and anxiety. 

Dust off your bucket list and do the things you would have wanted to do if you hadn't been made cancer free. 

Many survivors show symptoms of PTSD, so bear this in mind if you do seek help. You have been closer to Death than is normal and then given a reprieve, no wonder you feel this way.

Best wishes

Dave