Hi there Twinsmum, I'm sorry to hear that your 84 yr. old Mom is having to deal with this terrible disease. I hear what you say about the manner in which the oncologist spoke with you and your Mom at her apt. I'm not sure what to say about this as I have been treated fairly well with the two oncologists that I have dealt with, although I do like one more than the other. Incidently, the one I like more is a male and the other, a female. I think perhaps that they deal so much with the sick and dying that they put a guard up to protect themselves from becoming too emotionally involved. Just  a suggestion. I also think their first consideration is given to their patient, in this case, your Mom, so could explain why she would discount what you had to say. Having said that, you are a very valuable resource for your Mom and certainly could offer some info on her behalf. Try not to take it personally, although I know that's hard because you are concerned for your Mom. On a different note, since you go to her apts. with her, perhaps when you take your Mom home after her apt., you might talk with her about what was discussed with her oncologist, to give her an opportunity to voice her concerns with you. That would give her an outlet if she is upset about how it went. You could also tell her at that time to voice any concerns or fears she may have directly to the oncologist. People in my generation (I'm getting close to you Mom's age) we were taught ot listen and not speak unless told to. (I'm no longer in that frame of mind and have no problem speaking up.) Besides, I don't have anyone to speak for me, even if I wanted to. I hope this sheds some light on this for you.

Take care and good luck to your Mom. Thank you for being there for your Mom. I'm sure she appreciates all that you do for her.

Lorraine