I've posted a few messages on here since I had my kidney removed in May ... Met some wonderfully kind people.  Caring people ... I am so grateful.

i am an alcoholic  not had a drink of alcohol for 31 years .. At first you learn to take one day at a time and enjoy that day, I'm trying now to do the same .. But this is a 100 times harder than giving up alcohol...

with alcohol it's your choice if you take that first drink after being sober... But with cancer it's out of your control.  Will it come back. Will it get worse .. Will I survive , can I just start to enjoy every day.. I am trying so hard to do that, but with my best friend terminally ill and time is getting short... It's hard.. Another friend is being treated for a brain tumour , my sister in law hysterectomy waiting for the biopsy .. My friend Jon has 15  liters of fluid on his stomache and I've forgotten the name of it, he's due a cat scan on the 11 th jan.. 

Two other friends with diabetic

 problems .. One lost 4 toes this year..   You read the news and so many famous people are no longer with us....

i think that now I must live each day to the full .. Try to smile be happy , beat this *** cancer .. Mentally get hold of every cell and strangle it . Beat it before it gets another chance to come back.

im lucky at the moment , my scans all 3 and a pet scan have been stable.. Next cat scan March next year . 

Must live for today , enjoy each day think positive .

i have had some pretty bad days emotionally and slipped like an alcoholic and reached. For that one cigarette ... Which has a few times turned into 3 or 4 ... Hated myself so much. Totally weak stupid crazy and then of course the guilt .. The guilt I've been beaten .. By nicotine . That terrible monster that all smokers and  

smokers that have stopped have had to fight ... Well I'm strangling that nicotine monster as well

next time I get low and even think about a ciggy I'm going to just say no ... Sod off I'm no longer weak 

I've always been a bit over the top.  Ocd .. To say the least .. Now I'm like that with my diet ... Gone are the processed foods, the salt , the cakes the biscuits etc etc .. Now it's veg fruit some carbs and a small amount of protein ... I choose a resteraunt that I know I can get a decent salad , not smothered in mayo cheeses croutons etc etc   And fresh fruit ... It's not hard ..  To change and eat a well balanced diet.. I tend to eat everything raw  .. But I do love a lentil soup with lots of veg no meat ...also garlic  love garlic 

we all must think positive , be happy even on our most down and depressed and anxious days. 

I pray that your God will be with you in these times of need and look after you... I pray to my God every day for my friends and yes for myself , it helps me , 

in our hours of need we need faith in our God, and I say that because what ever religion or faith you have I'm sure that there is that greater power above that will answer our prayers .. May your God be with you all and be with you as your staff to face and beat this terrible cancer that we are all facing , at whatever stage we all are.

it helps to talk , 

love and best wishes to you all

alan