Hi there Suzie, sorry to hear about your date going South. This cancer thing can be a real barrier to getting on with life when one continues to be met with disappointment. Try not to judge all potential relationships by this one. No doubt he;s feeling inundated with cancer what with his own and an ex partner. He's running scared it sounds like to me. Better to find that out now than wait until things got too serious. I gather from your post that your cancer is not active at this point and if that's the case, hopefully it won't recur. As for another relationship in future, who knows, you may meet someone who won't be scared off because you had cancer in the past. Now would be a good time to be your own best friend. Take care of yourself, do the things you enjoy and spend time with friends. You've got a few years left in you yet.

Take care.

Lorraine  

Hi Lorraine. Its been a year from hell for me and 7 weeks out from RT. I am on hormonal drugs for 10 years. l presume at this time there is no evidence of further cancer but in my mind I cannot still accept that its over.

When this guy was texting me etc before the meet I was on a huge high my friends remarked how I was glowing and seemed to be like my old self. But now I have come crashing back down. I absolutly never judged him on the fact he had cancer or question him too much about it, I just thought he would think Shes a tough women I admire her I still wana get to know her.

Now I feel maybe I should  not of told him, but being as he was so open about himself I felt it was ok to drop my bombshell ! clearly not.

I do have good friends but tbh Its got to the point that I am jealous of their happy clappy healthy lives with new boyfriends I can't  help it. I have had 8 years on my own before cancer invaded my life, I never thought my life could get any worst and it did !

You are right thou i suppose best to be upfront than weeks or months down the line then tell them and be dumped.

Feel really disapointed. I just want to be loved and taken care of. I am fed up of doing all this alone.

Suzie

Hi Suzie, I can understand you being disappointed with this relationship since he appears to be running scared of you having?had cancer. It sure doesn't help that all of your friends are in good relationships while you're out here on the sidelines looking in. That's like rubbing salt in a raw wound. I'm sorry this is happening to you at a time when you could really benefit from having a loving, supportive partner by your side. Wishing it and wanting it, isn't going to make it happen though, and until it does, you really do need to be your own best friend. I would suggest that you need to reach out beyond your circle of friends and hook up with people who are single where you can possibly do things without a man by your side. Sometimes when we least expect it, someone comes into our lives at a time that really works out for us, but we can't make it happen the way we want it to. As for your cancer, I have friends who are on Tamoxifen for several years now, (I think 5 years is the limit) and they are still doing well, so I hope that is how your situation turns out. As for telling anyone about your cancer diagnosis, I wouldn't be telling people right off the bat since your cancer is not being evidenced actively right now.  If you do get into a relationship that appears to be going somewhere, then it would be appropriate to bring it up then. I hate to be sexist and I don't mean to be, but more often than not, men do tend to shy away from committing to anything heavy when cancer is present, or even possible that one might have a recurrance. Women though, tend to stick around regardless. Does that say something about us women, being the caregivers that we are, think we can "take care of people who need us?"  

Take care of yourself and look for some new friends. Come back on here and let us know how you get along.

Lorraine

Thankyou Maria for the kind words. I am blessed to had been married almost 20 years previously and have 2 great children. who are my life now. I am 45 now and single 8 years. Its sad you were not able to have any of your own, did you never consider adoption or even fostering ? Im not sure if they consider us B/c women a risk if we have had cancer. My children are 19 & 15 now we have joint custody, before the b/c this year i was so lonley I almost considered going in for adoption to have a baby to love again, my children being the age they are are not as needy as a little child, I missed the school runs and all the baking, painting kinda things. Thankgod now I did not go ahead with it as I would not of been able to cope with a toddler on my own with no partner going through B/C.

I find christmas very hard as I have done for the last 8 years since marrige ended- All my friends are going away for weekends with their boyfriends, iceskating buying them gifts.  I have a lovely mum and dad and one sister im close to and some good friends but it still does not stop me feeling ultra lonley and longing for the life i once had being a happly married wife and mum. I know that will never come back now but I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone.

Got 5 hosp appt coming up now over end of month into Dec it all feels very depressing ! I think i might go earlier on the one and go shopping as it wont be so focued on just the appt then.

Can I ask, did you tell the date guy about the B/c straight away or not at all ? after this guy told me he had cancer I thought phew I can tell him about me but that was obviously the wrong thing to do as he went right off me then, I could almost see his whole demur change and he was soon reaching for his coat where as he had been relaxed and happy to chat before i told him......

Suzie xx

Hello Suziesuze

I'mI'm so sorry to hear about ydisappointing date. Life can be tough. I would say please don't give up! You are a star and someone will be very lucky to have you.

I'mI'm 49 and had breast cancer certain 2013. After I recovered I looked at my life and had some coI'd always seemed to have had a mental block with men- the I wasn't good enough. I'd had so.e relationships but deep down , didn't feel good enough which I knew really wasn't logical

 A ywY I had so easy counselling with a brilliant therapist and went on to Internet dating. I was quite in ddespite having good put weight on from treatment- but I had changed inside and felt worthy.  Anyhow- I met a lovely guy last April who was OK about my previous cancer (.aand body hang ups) . We have a great RELATIONSHIP.  Sorry to say that Nov 2016 diagnosed with bone mets and he'she's by my side and i'I've moved in. We have fun together. 

I think I want to tell don't give up. Keep going and a lovely man will come along. It took me quite a few dates . Wishing you love and happiness and health.

​​​​​​​How are things first you now? Xx