Hi Kate il apologise for war and peace now... I'm so sorry to hear your not having it too good. I'm 47 and and also a survivor of breast cancer (diagnosed, lymph node removal, chemo and double mastectomy 2015). When I was diagnosed my dad was also diagnosed with lymphoma cancer so we had chemo together and mum was in intensive care through her copd and worrying over us. I wasn't able to sit and chill and relax during chemo etc as everyone tells you as I'm an only one and mum and dad came first as far as I was concerned. I have a very complex health history, I was undiagnosed diabetic for over ten years so already had faced big problems earlier in life and diabetic complications since . It wasn't until after chemo had finished and my parents were back on track that I started to feel physically ill. I already have gastroparesis problems with my stomach and digestive system and they have got gradually worse ever since along with other symptoms. The problem I have faced is doctors used to blame my symptoms being diabetic related, since iv had chemo its all chemo blamed, constantly being told iv been through a lot, chemo takes it out of you, nobody would actually listen to me(already been here not being diagnosed diabetic) I felt a mither or hypercondriact until nearly 12month later and I have been diagnosed with esophagus cancer.. I don't feel worried or upset, what happens, happens but I do feel for my family and I do feel angry that we're here again. If one more person tells me I'm strong, I'll be ok, iv done it before, they know of someone else etc etc.. il scream but sometimes it's because they don't know what to say. Everybody reacts differently to news of cancer, I was and am very blase and relaxed about it all (that doesn't go down to well with medical staff and I'd also been referred to psychology due to my attitude) but I really understand people that aren't. I do cry but it's more temper and frustration of people and their pity and I feel so rotten. It IS a big thing but worrying though won't change anything apart from make you more anxious. You obviously are a strong person and ARE in good hands but you are the most important person in this so look after yourself 1st 2nd and 3rd. With diabetes were told YOU RULE IT DONT LET IT RULE YOU and that is the same for any illness you may come across. DONT let it take over your life..Have you family and friends to support you?? Do you not have a local hospice? You don't have to be terminally ill, I was referred through Macmillan, they have a day hospice which is for all sorts of people with various cancers at various stages or are in remission. I had my hair done, nails done, complimentary therapys, lunch and more than anything I got to meet other people in similar positions to talk too.. Ask about it, after getting used to going to 'the hospice' and ignoring the stigma of the address I really enjoyed it and can't wait to go back .. Good luck and I hope everything goes well for you... We're always here to chat, Sharon6968 xx