Hi Helen

i hope you got the opportunity to talk to your doctor or nurse today about how low you are feeling and the  answers to your questions.  I bet your exhausted, it's not surprising you don't know how you feel.. It's physically draining feeling scared/upset/angry and that's without an illness on top.  Do you manage to get any down time...with a close friend family member where you can be just "Helen" .  I appreciate when you are feeling so crap that is easier said than done.  My best friend and I would do that when she felt up to it.  Cancer can become all consuming an almost take over your identity.  My friend found that by trying to get a semblance of normality gave her control which in turn empowered her.  There were the days when that was just not possible, but when she could we did and we had fun..funny movies  good gossip, we even planned a little camping holiday for the future.  She found this hilarious, me in a tent !! I like my comforts.  Have faith in your treatment, your doctor does or he wouldn't have suggested you try again.  I imagine everyone s treatment is different, what suits one may not be right for another, your just finding your fit.  ..,,.on another subject you would have laughed if you had seen Jacob on his return from his trip to the forest...he walked in looking like he had slept in the forest, telling me he loves his teacher but today they made me walk 12miles ...my little man doesn't like walking.. Fell on my sofa and slept for two hours.. My son goes to a special school he is autistic and has developmental delay.  He is 13 but developmentally his level of understanding is approx 4 years behind.  But what a character he is so funny and between you and me he can swear like a navvy ....he went to a mainstream school for a while and wow did he pick up some new words.  I must say they only make an appearance when he is anxious.  

Well know I am thinking of you with positivity, your on the right path

nite nite Helen sleep well xx

Hi 

Thanks for telling me about Jacob he sounds a character, went onc and answers my questions she did tell me that the new lump in my neck is .... I wish she told me at last scan app as last two weeks I have been worried sick but I no now and swelling in my breast is more prominent, however she tells me lots more treatment I can still have. Yes I have some brilliant friends and family and when I'm out I do forget, hoping to go back to work at some point just to be me !! 

I am now starting chemo tablets and hoping that these work.  I do have a holiday to majorca with girls in September and once said she happy for me to go, I really need to get away with hubby we keep on booking and having to cancel grrrr

I just need to get away

Thanks again for your replies u don't know me but it's kind of you to reply

Wishing ur dad a good day today

Helen x

Hi Helen

Thats great news about your girls holiday in September, it will do you the world of good...Nothing like girl friends to help you through the tough times.. That's a shame you and your hubby have to keep cancelling your plans..why not plan a date night.. Cinema..etc where the "C" word is banned and it's just you two enjoying each other's company ...you know what ...I think I should plan one of those for me and my lovely hubby too ...don't get many date nights ...unless you class getting up with Sam and Jacob in the night !  I swear Sam my 16 year old is nocturnal.. He likes to come and wake me up to ask if I'm ok and would I like a chat ...kids are so funny at times ... Sam has autism too, 

you have a lovely day xx

Hi Helen

just wanted to drop you a quick line to say hello and hope things are good with you.  My boys are on school holidays for 6 weeks so it's crazy at my house.  Don't expect that will change anytime soon either, Jacob is so funny and Sam has such a dry sense of humour it's hilarious listening to them both debating.  Dad has just gone home, he's still in considerable pain after his surgery 7 weeks ago, and is in and out of hospital.  The consultant is going to do some more tests on Thursday and has told dad depending on the outcome he will be scheduled in for more surgery on Monday.  We were all very very relieved to hear that his cancer hasn't spread and  providing there aren't any surprises on Thursday he is cancer free.  please know that though I haven't been in touch, I am still thinking positive thoughts for you.

kindest wishes to you xx

Hi Helen

im so pleased that's things are good with you, it sounds like this new treatment is working well and I'm glad the side effects are not too bad for you.  I'm going to keep everything crossed that you get your much  needed holiday.  I had a little break in my touring caravan last weekend.  You have to laugh, my friend asked me where I was going ???? When I replied Northwich she thought I d gone mad ! I live in Northwich the site is only 3 miles from my home.  You know what though, it could have been a million miles away, it was beautiful weather, lovely countryside.  Even my dad came to see me for an hour.  Came home feeling lovely and relaxed.  

Good luck for next week

sending love xxxx