Hi, it sounds like you have been trough so much ,I think maybe your grief and shock and all the feelings you have are coming to the surface,after keeping yourself together whilst in survival mode ,coping with your treatment.take good care of yourself.

Hi Karen, I think perhaps when we've been told that our cancer has been licked, we feel a great sense of relief; that we can put this whole cancer thing behind us and move on. Then, hearing that no, that is not the case, because the cancer has spread to another area, we feel a big sense of dread because indeed, the cancer continues to be present in our system. Yes, its' great that we can be kept alive for awhile, but that also means having ongoing, or periodic treatments that are constant reminders of this disease living in our bodies. When I was first diagnosed, I also was told that the surgery got all the cancer and I remember vividly feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. Then a few weeks later, I got that awful call, telling me that no, that wasn't the case; I still had cancer after all. That knocked the props right out from under me. Having said all that, it is now more than 6 years later and yes, I am still having surgeries, treatments, etc. but I am still alive, for how much longer, I really don't know. I have learned to appreciate every day, especially the days that I feel well, and I take nothing for granted any more.

Hopefully, once you have treatment, and get back on your feet, you may come to define a new normal for your life. Getting this news takes time to digest and to come to terms with. As far as having a pity party, go ahead, you've earned it. Just don't let the party go on too long. It is a downer at first, but as time goes on, we learn to live life a little bit differently, and we don't take anything for granted any more.

There are many of us here on the forum who are living with cancer, and yes, we wish we weren't, but it isn't like we have a choice because what's the alternative? Come back on the forum and talk about what's happening with you, and get support for what you're going through. Take my word for it; it does really help to know you're not alone.

Good luck with everything. Sending hugs.

Lorraine   

Hi Lorraine

Thank you, have thought things through and I think you are right. I thought I had this one in the bag, done and dusted but that is not the case. I know that at some point each person in this world will die, it is the one certain thing in life but you don't really think about it until cancer makes your body its home!

Right what I need to do is get the chemo done, so not looking forward to it. My hair falling out does not bother me, have lots of pretty scarfs. It is the sick part that I will find hard because right from the start of this I have felt well and as if nothing is wrong with my body. Inbetween feeling rough I will try and do a little nice thing each day because as long as I am still alive I want to enjoy it. Do you know what Lorraine, I also think that I am scared and a little bit angry if that makes sense but I am here and alive so I am going to pick myslef back up and enjoy my day with my family x