Is cancer your best kept secret?

In the news recently both David Bowie and Victoria Wood died from cancer, but kept it a secret from everyone until the very end. So is it best to hide your diagnosis or just let everyone know from the outset?

When first diagnosed I kept it to myself, I did not want my family to worry unduly and wanted to continue with as normal a life as possible. So I hid the hospital letters, deleted phone call records and went on my own to the clinics. Eventually I needed major surgery (difficult to hide) and then had to let everyone know. My partner was quite angry I'd not told her earlier. However I was gratetful for all the help I got from family and true friends, quite a few people dissapeared off the scene, I'm told this is a normal reaction, whilst others seemed to avoid speaking to me. I guess folks feel awkward and don't know what to say when you've got cancer, while they can easily find something to say if you've a broken leg. Having had this disease for coming up to two years now I am open about having cancer and discuss it freely with anyone. I find that it helps me and also helps those I talk to, understand more about cancer and dispel the many myths there are surrounding cancer.

So what's your take on it, keep it to yourself like David and Victoria, or just let everyone know.

Parents
  • Hi kim,

    really good question! I'm uncertain at the moment if I have cancer, however I haven't told everyone... I'm stubborn and head strong, but I don't want people pittying me, I think that's why only my husband and sisters know. I suppose I'm scared of actually saying it out loud, some how it makes the c word real? But like you say, what do you say to someone with cancer? Get well soon? I think it's one of those where everyone is different, but I pray one day they'll find the cure, so people don't have to suffer the misery it causes ! I hope you kick cancers butt ! 

  • Hi Leodon

    I think thats a good point about not wanting pity. I do think it should be quite normal for people to wish cancer sufferers to "get well soon" because you can feel well at times throughout having cancer even if it can't be cured. I've had a second round of surgery and radiotherapy quite recently but today I've felt really good. I got up early did half a days work by 10:00 then finished, visited the Optitian, got new glasses (amazing), PM did a some gardening and made a curry for dinner. As normal as anyone elses day today, of course tomorrow may be totally different and I spend the whole day cream crackered sat in my chair. But it is good to educate others that you can have periods of leading a fairly normal life after a diagnosis of cancer. I hope that your diagnosis is not cancer but if it is, as you say we can kick cancers butt together. Thanks for your post. Kim

  • Hi kim, thanks for getting in touch. One day there will be a cure, but at least we don't pity each other on here, nobody looks down on you, nor judges you - it's fantastic. But woweee you've been busy! Hope you get some well earned rest! Donna x

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