Hello, I'm new to this as of today and don't ever use forums but I'm having one of those days that made me think I should start. I was first diagnosed almost six years ago with stage 4 bowel cancer. They say only 5% of stage 4s will live for five years and all of my treatments have had exceptional results, to the extent that I was cancer free for two years. But my bowel op had sadly left a bit behind which is in too tricky a place to get out. There are still some treatments I can have and I've been really lucky to get exceptional results so far, but that just means that everyone thinks I'll always be here and I know that helps them to cope but it worries me slightly that no-one really acknowledges how poorly I am. I wonder what they will do when I'm gone and at this time of year it just feels a bit much. I know I should be feeling lucky to have lived this long but I'm still only 39 and it doesn't seem right that it could take me away from everyone. I know I need to keep it together and continue to be as positive as I possibly can but sometimes I wish it would leave me alone for a little while. I work full time and have done throughout and everywhere I go people are telling me how brave I am but I'm not really, I'm very scared on the inside but I can't expect people to know how that feels.
