Hi Clayton, I am so sorry to hear your story about your Dad's illness. This is a terrible time for you to be losing your Dad, not there is ever a good time, but at 15, it is so much harder. I'm glad your Mom is taking you for counselling because getting the pain and hurt feelings out does help. Writing your feeling on here is a good idea too and you will find people on here are very supportive. It sounds like your Mom is having a difficult time too, so it is good that she will have some counselling as well. You are concerned about your school work right now also. Why don't you speak with your teacher about what is happening with your Dad, so he/she will understand that you are having a rough time at home because of it. Perhaps your teachers can give you some ideas on how you can manage right now.

Come on to the forum any time. People on here are very supportive and caring. Take care of yourself.

Lorraine

Hi Clayton,

I have recentlly been through this with my dad, but I'm 40 and still found it extremely difficult.   All I can say is that everyone is doing their best for him and there is nothing more you can do apart from trying to be happy when you are around him and being as brave as you can be for him;  there's no point in wondering what will happen tomorrow or next week, because no-one has any real answers. I found this the hardest part, as I loved being around him, but thoughts about the future kept popping into my head and these were painful.  Things as silly as listening to friends talking about their summer holidays that they'd booked, and then getting upset thinking that I couldn't look beyond tomorrow, let alone a few month's time.  I was scared about the future, yet really wanted to think about it too.  I eventually learned that there's no point in thinking this way - you just have to take each day as it comes.  

Another guilty feeling that I have is that each morning when I went to see him with a cup of tea (he would take one sip only!) I would be frightened of what I would find or what he would look like.  Yet, as soon as I went in, I felt much better.  He'd lost so much weight and frankly, looked terrible, but he was always so pleased to see me.  I always felt guilty for the fear I felt, but I supppose it's normal.   If you feel this way, don't beat yourself up about it. 

Unfortunately, I did lose my dad, but he had reached a point where he was sleeping all day and did not regain consciousness.  It seemed a relief for him to go, but of course I miss him like crazy.  However, it was painless and peaceful at the end.  I'm glad that he didn't suffer. 

I know it's hard, but try to accept what your parents tell you and don't fight it.  Take each day as it comes and try not to worry about mock exams.  I am a teacher and know that while we encourage students to do well in their mocks, we really wouldn't expect you to be putting yourself out for them with your situation.  They are practice exams and not the real thing.   Don't worry.  If your groups get changed because you don't do well, just ask to speak to the head politely or write it in a letter.  They'll see you right. 

I'll check to see if you've replied, but stay strong and believe me, everything you feel now is completely natural and normal. 

L x

Thank you for this amazing response. Everything you have said basically sums up how I have been feeling and its nice (though sad) to know somebody else feels the same way. Sorry for your loss.

I really hope the teachers aren't expecting too much from me, because it is hard. Though, as you said, they're just practice exams.

Thanks x

Hi Clayton, it's DerbyGirl again.  I seemed to have forgotten my password/username and made a new profile.  

Just wanted to say that you sound like a lovely young man and if you want to post again I'll check every now and then,  Good luck, be strong.