Ah well, things did not quite go as well as expected yesterday, and I am back in panic mode again! I have had such a peaceful couple of weeks, full of optimism.....

anyway, i have to go in again for another op on the 8 July because they have found that there are still pre cancerous cells left on the margin and they have to shave another bit away.

They are going through the original incision, which is scary enough, but the nurse said they can only do this once and if there are any pre cancerous cells showing up after that it probably means there could be cancer elsewhere. So back to being terrified.....

the thought of going through this again from the beginning is really depressing.

Oh Margerat, I'm so sorry about your news, you must feel really frustrated and let down. I'm not sure how it all goes but surely with ultra sounds and such they can get it all out with clear margins without more worry to the patient more expense-for the NHS for surgery. They measure the size of the lump so surely they no how much more needs to come out. Sorry I'm going into a rant!

so will you have to wait another 2weeks after that surgery to hear the outcome??

kim xxx

Hi Kim and Sue

thanks for your replies, I am just feeling so down at the moment and it really is a comfort to have someone to talk to that knows how awful this thing is. Not to worry, I am an optimistic sort of person and I will bounce back!

they only found out about these pre cancerous cells after the removed lump was sent to the path lab, and ridiculously they now have to take 0.02cm more.  Obviously I want it out, but it is just the thought of going back to the beginning again - a bit like sliding down the snake after I have struggled to climb the ladder. It doesn't help that I am still sore and swollen, the doctor was quite happy with the healing and everything but however well the healing is going it is going back to square one.

anyway, the plus side is that we have a weeks holiday booked for the beginning of September which I haven't cancelled. If and when the chemo starts it will be 6 to 8 weeks after the op, so I might just squeeze the holiday in.

yes Kim, I have the further two week wait after the op, so that takes me nearly to the end of July.

hope you are doing ok though and not too uncomfortable, when is your follow up appointment?

hugs and best wishes xx

You'll be ready for your holiday with all this going on. My holidays were driving me forward but the surgeon said on Tuesday that I might have to cancel, I have one on the 8th for 3days then a week in Portugal with my daughter and my friend and her twins. She will be distraught if I have to cancel and to be honest so will I.....Dam Cancer 

My follow up appt is a week Tuesday and the thought of that makes me more nervous than the operation did. Hopefully they will get it all out next time Margaret. To be honest I haven't read up too much on cancer as I don't want to scare myself too much, but isn't it good it's pre cancerous and not cancer itself, sorry if I'm being ignorant but as I say the less I know the less worried I'll get

xxx

Perhaps we will both get very well deserved holidays, let's keep our fingers crossed!

yes I am pretty sure that the pre cancerous is just what it says, not something to give me an immediate problem, but could do if left. The lump itself was stage 3, it's just this surrounding tissue that hasn't been taken back far enough.  I am just worried really, particularly as the nurse said they  could only do this once and if they couldn't clear it this time they would look for cancer elsewhere.   I just hoped that the really scary stuff was out of the way now and I could grit my teeth and get through whatever further treatment they decided.

just having a wobble today Kim, be better tomorrow

Best wishes and enjoy the rest of the weekend xx

Dear Margaret & Kim,

I would certainly say that you both deserve your holidays and will have my fingers crossed that you will be able to relax and enjoy yourselves after such fraught times.

You likening all this to Snakes & Ladders is excellent, it really is like that, isn't it? One minute all is well and the next you're back where you started again.

I have been having fairly brutal side effects after finishing my radiotherapy (very sore skin, incredibly tender boobs and constantly exhausted) and now I also have a lump under one arm which has not responded to 10 days of mega antibiotics so am back to the oncologist on Wednesday to find out what happens next...

None of this is exactly what we signed up for is it? Like you both I'm sure, I keep being told by family & friends that it will all work out in the end and yes, they are right it will, but getting there is a really hard slog at times. That's why it's so good to be able to rant, rave and have the odd wobble or two here, where everyone really uderstands how we feel.

Take care of yourselves and do keep in touch.  Sue xx

sending you a big hug xxx

sending you a big hug xxx

Just got up to see the sunrise, never done it before in midsummers day, but hey, no time like the present! Met husband 35 years ago today, so,today is a bit special to us.

Sorry about the effects of your treatment Sue, and the worry you are no doubt going through with your lump.  Let no one ever say this is an easy journey! The day to day worry about yourself and every twinge is difficult to push out of your mind.  Hope you are feeling less sore soon Sue, is there any creams that will soothe?

thank you both for your kind words and support, bless you!

hugs xx

Hi Margaret, have a great day today with your lovely hubby.....   Sue x

Hi Sue,  thanks for your best wishes.  My op is Wednesday and to be honest I am not looking forward to it at all.  I think it is the thought of it that is scaring me as I am still quite swollen and tender (don't know if this is ok after five weeks I was expecting being less sore by now) and as I said before, I have to start again with the healing.  I have been feeling really tired as well.

But, the weather is still lovely here -if slightly too warm for me to sit out in, I have a shady spot in the garden and can doze out there with my book.

I am meeting my lovely friend tomorrow for a couple of hours, she has such a quirky sense of humour she is sure to cheer me up.

best wishes and hugs xx

Hi Margaret,

Hope I haven't missed you but all the very, very best for tomorrow, will be thinking of you......

Sorry that you are still so sore from round one though, I was as well after 5/6 weeks if that helps? 

The tiredness is definately normal, you body is using all its energy to heal you as much and as quickly as possible.

Hope you had a lovely time with your friend yesterday, a bit of quirky humour is just what you needed I imagine.

Take good care of yourself and I hope you recover well from tomorrow.

Do let me know how you get on once you are feeling human again.  Sue xx

Oh Sue, thank you so much for your kind comforting words! It is a relief to know you were still hurting when you were at the same stage, maybe I am spending a lot of time worrying myself to pieces for nothing.  Thank you for your best wishes for tomorrow, knowing someone 'out there' is sending the vibes is so good.  I will of course let you know on this thread how it all goes in a day or two, if I stay awake for long enough lol.

yes, had super day time with friend, it is the last time I will be able to meet up with her before her birthday, so took presents which she loved.  It is a good feeling when you give someone something they truly like.  Sadly I can't spoil my daughter as she doesn't want much to do with me, so it is a pleasure to spoil a very dear friend instead.

Hope you are doing well and enjoying lovely weather, we had a little rain this morning but it cleared up nicely this afternoon.  Very best wishes and hugs - will speak soon xxx

Well that's another step taken and it wasn't half as bad as the first time.  The soreness and swelling I was experiencing was due to an infection, luckily not serious enough to put off the op. The consultant took the bit from the margin and then washed the rest out and I am on a weeks course of antibiotics.  I do feel a lot more comfortable.   The old worry is back as it is another two weeks wait for the results but that is something we all have to cope with.

i did mention to the nurses at the hospital, and the Macmillan nurse that phoned me today that I really don't think anyone who goes for this procedure is really  told enough about what to expect about the recovery.  I know we are all different, and that the ops are all slightly different depending on the size of the lump and other factors, but I have found out now that the hardness and lumpiness that I have is (for me) caused by the cauterisation of many blood vessels.  Now if I had been warned five weeks ago that this could happen, it would have saved me a fair bit of worry, instead of thinking the cancer had returned in a galloping form! As we all know, the mind works overtime and I seem to have a very vivid imagination....

still, on to happier thoughts.....the weather has been absolutely great on this lovely part of the Jurassic Coast, and Lyme Bay looks stunning and up the channel towards Swanage.  We seems to have an abundance of castle orchids this year ( they probably have a proper name!) and they are popping up everywhere.  In fact all the wild flowers look pretty this year.  I think the next couple of days are going to be a bit cloudier though.  There is a Seafood Fest in Weymouth this weekend, so I might just be tempted to try a prawn or two.....

hope everyone is doing ok, hugs to you all xxxx

Hi Margaret, so glad to hear from you and welcome back!

I am delighted that the op went well and that the infection is now being controlled. I think we all go into mental overdrive at this point so more information about what to expect should be given as standard. Well done for speaking up!

I really feel for your worry about the results and I wish I could make things easier for you but, as you have said, in the meantime enjoy the lovely weather and have a bucketful of seafood!

Take care of yourself and keep us posted... Sue xx