So glad that things are slowly improving.

It is so difficult to know how anyone will handle this sort of news until it happens and there is nothing you can do to prepare.  You can only deal with it as it happens which certainly does not make things any easier.  Sometimes you might light to shout "Stop - I want to get off" but unfortunately you cannot.  It woudl be so much easier if you could "get off" for a while process the information and then get back on again.

Hopefully over the coming days things will continue to improve and you will find "the new normal".  This may lead to your hsuband agreeing to tell some family members of his diagnosis and prognosis which I am sure they will appreciate.  At least in the meantime as you say you have had a full and frank discussion without name calling and temper tantrums (all of which you would have been allowed) and have come to some sort of understanding and support.

Very best of luck and do keep posting to let us know how you are getting on.

Gill

So right now my anxiety level is so high.  it is a beautiful day, husband has been away on a business trip and is coming home today.  He has called and email regularly and we have had some very emotional conversations on the phone - maybe being apart we recognized that it could soon be permanent.  The first night was the hardest, second day we stuck to things we had done that day rather than wishing we were together.  Anyway I am a cleaning demon today to try and fill the hours and the kids are playing nicely together.  I really wish I could get a handle on the anxiety.  It's all future related.  I know it doesn't help to worry but I was never very good at patiently waiting.  There is nothing else I can do and so I scrub.

Hi

The waiting is always the worst part and something that none of us is very good at.

Glad to hear you have had some conversations whilst husband has been away.  As you say being apart might have helped in this respect because there is a chance it might be permanent although lets hope not.

Glad to hear the children are playing nicely together.

If you run out of cleaning at your house you are welcome to come and clean mine!

Best wishes.

Gill

So some more heartfelt conversations this week.  He went to the family doctor on Friday and was supported by that but also upset.  At the moment I have been able to find a place where I can be loving and supportive but also stand up for myself if he does make a heartless comment or shuts me out.  It is not easy but I think he is working out ways to open those difficult topics, only for a short while at the moment, but at least he is talking.  And to me.  I have been having, mostly unrelated, conversations with friends about other difficult situations and several things I realized were helpful this week.  There is a difference between being strong and being resilient.  Being strong to me implies immovability, standing your ground - its easy to get pushed over then.  Especially by something as devastating as a terminal disease.  Resilience has strength but it also has flexibility.  Being reslient means you can absorb something, redirect the energy - this makes listening to some of the rants and diatribes easier.  It makes me an empathetic listener and if something is said about me I don't take it quite as personally and can realize more of where it is coming from and so I can send it in the right direction rather than just taking it on.  It was also helpful when another friend reminded me, in another context, to take the high road, access my higher self.  Realizing what is most important vs what I want to take up and act on was most helpful this week - especially at a picnic for his work colleagues.  All in all I think we weathered the week well and I hope that we can keep moving through this morass of despair and sadness together.  Perhaps we will even get to the point where we can enjoy the good parts together despite the feeling of loss that accompanies every happy moment now.  Once again thanks to everyone for their encouraging words.  He goes to see the oncologist again this Friday so I think that will be another big moment.  He still doesn't want me to go with him this week but he did say that the next time he would be comfortable with me being there.

Hi sbm .....   so good to hear that you are both adjusting to the new 'normal' and talking a lot more together.  It is early days for you both and trying to absorb all that is going on becomes all-consuming and frightening.  Someone once told me to NOT concentrate on the possibility of dying but to concentrate on the fact that I am living!  It was wonderful advice - dont lose sight of just having a good time together without 'cancer' talk!  Much love to you and your family xxxx

Hi SBM

Glad to hear that things have settled down somewhat and you both have come to some sort of understanding and acceptance of your current situation.  Hopefully this will make life easier for all including your children who must have been wondering what has been happening.  Even if they do not know they wil know something is not right.

Glad to hear that his next appointment is Friday and that he might be ok with you going to the one after this.  Hopefully this will not change. 

You have been so great and understanding and indeed reslient which I am sure has been a great help to your husband even if he does not say so.  The toll cancer takes on a relationship can be huge and often seems to get lost amongst all the hospital visits and treatment which take priorty.

Just remember to take a little time for yourself when you need it and hopefully before too long your husband will be willing to let other family and close friends in on his diagnosis so you will have other people to whom you can talk to openly about this.

Very best wishes.

Gill

Hi he needs to realise it effects more than just him I know it's hard to digest but going through it together is so much better and having that support from each other is amazing.   My husband was ill for 13 months and was told it was pancreatits due to alcohol abuse which was what they concentrated on he went for a routine clinic appointment 7th December but was kept in due to weight loss and scan results they said  they need to do a bone marrow test we were eventually told he had CMML but due to his other complications they could offer no treatment he was 57 years old , 2 weeks later 3rd Feb I lost the love of my life I was told he probably had it for a lot longer.  My point is he was a very quiet, private person but he did tell those he loved his daughters and family but they lived down south so the only support i had was from being together also close friends my husband had no options, your husband does he needs to open up to you let you support each other he may go into remission but don't leave it too late to stand together and fight be strong my heart goes out to you also I wish I had the opportunity still to have my husband in my life.  You both will find it hard it was for us, he will be scared, confused, depressed and hurting just be there for each other.  I hope with all my heart you get through to him and go to all his appointments dont let him shut you out x