Hi Garf,

Just wanted to drop you a post to say you're never far from my thoughts and I hope you're doing ok?  (No, I'm not a weird stalker!   )

I think about so many folks on here and the things they're all dealing with on a day to day basis.

Am I right in thinking you've got next week off? Or was it last week?

Either way, if it was last week, hope you had plenty of R and R . . . And if it's next week, hope you get lots of R and R!

Also remember that one of the R's could stand for Retail !! 

Sure your wife would like that one

Hugs to you and your wife, Jo xx

Hi Jo,

Thank you so much, I am touched that I am in your thoughts and I promise I don't think you are a stalker

I am off next week for some much needed R and R and to be honest with the back log of motor racing I have to watch and the golf game on Wednesday I simply won't have time for any retail you-know-what.  It's hard to fit anything else in while I am spending so much time doing absolutely nothing.  I have actually been feeling a little more like myself the last few days since speaking to my councillor on Tuesday but I have no idea whether I am sorting anything out or just going through a good patch, I am just making the most of it for as long as it lasts.

Thanks for the hugs and I send a whole bunch right back to you.

Have a great weekend and don't spend too much .

Garf. xx

Hi there Hope,

Thank you so much for asking how I am and I would like to appologise to you for not replying earlier but I'm afraid I have been neglecting the site again.  Because of the way my mind has been I often find it difficult to be able to offer people any kind of advice or comfort and so I don't visit the site as often as I used to or should.  Everyone here has been so supportive while I have been in this "bad place" and so I feel quite selfish and a little self centered for not responding to other peoples posts and problems.

I am not too bad right now and have actually just returned from my third session with my counsellor with just one left in three weeks.  My last session was a little flat and I was concerned I may not get anything much out of today's but now that it's done I actually have quite a lot to think about so that is a posistive. That said I do seem to have gone from having good days followed by bad days to just one constant level of feeling low, I hope that makes sense!

Thanks again Hope and take care of yourself.

Garf. xx

Hi Garf,

I'm so glad you found today's counselling session helpful.  You really musn't feel bad about not always being up to offering advice to others, this site is just a great place to be able to get comfort from when you need it, and if you feel able to offer support to others as and when then that's a bonus.  I do hope that the counselling does something towards improving your low feeling, I do know from experience that it is not a good place to be in.  Having said that I think the fact that you are having some good days now is definitely a positive; I have found this time of year to be extremely hard on the roller-coaster of grief that I still find myself on, somedays I've felt so low I thought I was abnormal.  However they are then usually followed by OK days so I know it is just the process I have to go through.  I returned to work today which was actually a good thing, and am feeling fairly OK just now.  Hang on in there Garf, I know you will get there, there will be brighter days and your mood will lift in time, I am sure of that.  Take care.  Hope x

Hi everyone,

Well it's been a little while since I updated this thread but unfortunately this morning is the time to add to it.

I have been seeing a counsellor fairly regularly and although it has helped a little to be able to talk about everything going on in my mind it is still something I have to deal with on my own.  I still have up and down days although the comparison between "up" and "down" is not as steep as it once was - until today.  I learned last night that a friend of mine has cervical cancer and has to go through two weeks of intense chemo and radio therapy followed by three weeks or so in a hospital close to Liverpool.  I don't know anymore than that so exactly how advanced it is isn't clear yet.

So cancer has added another person to the list of people I care about which now brings the total up to twelve, nine of whom are no longer here.  Believe it or not the thought crossed my mind last night, all be it very briefly that maybe I was a carrier and could be infecting people I love but obviously that is nonsense.  What I do feel like right now is the same as a charachter in a film who is told by the evil baddy that they are not going to hurt him but will hurt everyone he cares about instead.

So to say I am having a down day today is an understatement and I am also feeling extremely selfish as although it's my friend who has cancer I am talking about how it is affecting me.

Sorry to start you all off on a down note but just wanted to get that off my chest.

Garf.

(Jules I know you will come accross this and I will message you later today or tomorrow x )

Morning Garf

You are right, I did find it and send hugs (does not seem much I know).  Will chat with you when you are ready but take it from me you are not at fault here - the cancer is!  Jules xx

Hi Garf,

Although I haven't been stalking you recently, you have been in my thoughts.

I'm really sad to see from your post, how low you're feeling today.

Jules is right, it's not your fault, it's b****y cancer's fault!

It was good to read you felt that the counselling you have had, has helped you a little, but now, understandably, you feel a setback after hearing of your friend's illness.

You are not selfish. We all know that cancer affects everyone involved, not just the patient.

As 'the patient' I sometimes think I feel less emotionally affected by my illness, than my loved ones. But I am aware how hard it's hitting them, so I can imagine how deeply your emotions must be running right now.

Garf, I've read your supportive comments to Candy over the past few weeks, so I know that your friend can truly rely on your wonderful support as she goes through her treatment.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are feeling and how your friend is getting on.

Sending you a massive hug, Jo xxxx

Jules and Jo thank you very much,

I am just really struggling today as you have so rightly said I have just taken quite a significant step back but I hope to be a little better in a day or two after this latest has had a chance to sink in.

The hugs are always much appreciated as is the occasional bout of stalking

Garf. x

Hi Garf,

Your friendly stalker here!   

Hope you manage to have a peaceful weekend - maybe knocking some golf balls round the course? Or a bit of retail therapy with your lovely lady?

Take care, big hugs coming your way, Jo xx

Wishing a peaceful and enjoyable weekend to my favourite - and only - stalker!

No golf this weekend though but I do plan on a long walk along the beach tomorrow afternoon followed by a little quality time with Mr Boddingtons and a film.

Sending hugs right back.

Garf. xx

Hi Garf,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your aunt. What a lovely tribute you wrote about her on the Gratitude thread, that was a nice thing to do and a lovely way to remember her. She sounds as if she was a lovely lady and I feel sure you will miss her. Take care, best wishes, Brian.

Hi Brian,

Thank you very much for your kind words and yes she was a lovely lady who was always willing to do anything she could to help people.

Hope you are keeping well Brian and that you are not making too much of a dent in the world's stockpile of nuts.

All the best.

Garf.

Hi Brian,

Thank you very much for your kind words and yes she was a lovely lady who was always willing to do anything she could to help people.

Hope you are keeping well Brian and that you are not making too much of a dent in the world's stockpile of nuts.

All the best.

Garf.

Hi Garf,

Like Brian, I wanted to send you my condolences on the sad news about your aunty. She sounded a remarkable lady. I admire anyone with a musical talent! Such a gift and how wonderful that she was able to share her talents with so many.

I hope you're ok Garf. You haven't posted for a while and I often think about you (my in-built stalker instinct!)

Take care, sending you a hug, Jo xx

Bless you Jo and thank you,especially for the hug!

As much as I still keep a regular eye on this site and the wonderful people here I find it, for the most part difficult to offer any kind of useful help or advice when my mind just "isn't in the game."  I have hopefully been able to help Candy as she is someone I could immediately sympathize with and I keep in regular contact with Jules. Other than the fact that my state of mind seemed to reach a steady plateau a while ago and it doesn't seem to be improving any more I am feeling far from the bottom of that well I was in so am just clinging to that for now.

In the meantime my friend, Sarah seems to be doing pretty well and she is very up-beat after finishing her three week chemo and radio course.  She now has to go to the Wirral for three weeks for more treatment but I don't really know what that entails but I do know she will be very upset if she misses any of the Formula 1 while she is away.

How is my favourite stalker keeping these days?  Are you still having to undergo more treatment to "zap the blighters"?

Sending best wishes and hugs by return mail!

Garf. xx  

Hi Garf,

Thought I'd reply before I head off to bed with a cuppa and bedtime book!

I know what you mean about keeping an eye on the forum folk, but not always responding. I have joked with Jules about being a reader and not a responder! Sometimes I read posts and know that I can't offer any practical advice or support, so I hold back on hitting the reply button. But sometimes, I can't resist sticking my oar in

I'm glad you're not feeling as low as you were a little while back, Garf.

The news about your friend Sarah sounds positive. I hope she doesn't miss any of the F1 - it's not a sport that interests me, but my stepdad is really into it and was able to see some of it in Australia last weekend! (He's on a Bucket List holiday!)

He said the new engines made the F1 experience a very different one indeed! Maybe not for the better!

With regard to my treatment, I'm currently playing the waiting game! I'm due to have a scan on my liver in April and then my next treatment can be planned! A few of the pesky blighters decided to set up camp in my liver, but hopefully, the surgeon can come up with a successful eviction order, in due course!

Well, the eyelids are drooping, the sentences are becoming non-sensical (no change there then!) so I'll admit defeat and head up to bed!

Take care, Garf. And thanks for the hugs! Jo xx

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to quicly update this thread to say that my friend from North Wales with cervical cancer has been told, after her intense treatment, that she is in remission!

This has been the best news to come for a while and I am absolutely thrilled for her and both my wife and I can't wait to give her a hug when we go to visit my family in August.  Unfortunately it is still tinged with sadness at Jo's (meerkat) recent bombshell.  It is so unfair that someone who has been fighting for so long and had a light at the end of the tunnel was told that the light was in fact an oncomming train.  How much more needs to be done to get rid of this damn disease once and for all?

Anyway this was just a quick update so take care everyone and Jo, if you happen to be reading this, my thoughts, best wishes and hugs are with you. x

Garf.

Morning Garf

Was good to read the good news about your friend and hope  you will have a great get together in August whilst you are visiting family.  Would also add my good wishes with regards to Jo and I am sure she is aware that all her virtual buddies are keeping her in their thoughts following her recent disappointing news. Big Hugs  Jules x

Hi Garf

Great news about your friend.  Good news is always so welcome.  Hope the weather is good for your trip in August.  Although I am sure it will be a lovely trip anyway seeing family and your friend it always seems nicer when the sun shines.

Jo

Fingers crossed for you.

Gill

Hi Garf,

I am pleased to read about your friends good news, and have to say, you yourself have certainly been due for some. It is quite surprising how things like this make us feel so much better.

But as you say, the good news is watered down by Jo's bad news. She has always shown such a great sense of humour and once told me she thought the N H S should bottle me and prescribe me as a mood enhancer. Not sure I want to be liquidised but appreciated her comment.

Take care Garf and hope to chat again soon, Brian.

Thank you Gill,

It would be a pleasant change if the sun happens to be shining in Wales in August but as you say it will be nice to see family and friends anyway.  I am hoping the weather will be good although I have yet to mention to my wife that my golf clubs will take up significant luggage space in the car.  That's a bridge to be crossed closer to the time.

Brian, I love Jo's comment about bottling you up as a mood enhancer but obviously that wouldn't work - what with all the people who suffer nut allergies these days.

Thank you both.

Garf.

Hi Garf

Now come on. if your wife needs to take all her bits and bobs (never met a woman who didn't) then you need room for your sports equipment.  Oh yes, I have had sunshine in Wales (many moons ago though!!).  Hope you got a game this weekend (I have spent all day in the back garden (hubby spent most of it asleep in front of the tv!).  We are now both on our laptops with 20/20 cricket on the tv so hopefully a pleasant evening over roast lamb to come!! Will reply to PM soon when have gathered my little grey cells.  In the meantime have a good week (day at a time remember).  Hugs from Jules (semi-stalker!!)

Hi Garf,

Havent seen your name crop up on here for a while and just wondered how you are keeping. Hope you are okay.

Best wishes, Brian