Hi,

I am sorry to butt into your discussion but just wanted to wish you all well.

You all seem like tough cookies and am touched, truly.

I am currently waiting, I have my breast clinic appointment on 27th oct and really nervous, not eating or sleeping much to be honest but then I don't eat much anyway lol.

Really don't know what to expect with this appointment just that I will probably be having an ultrasound as I'm only 24.

The reason I went to the GP was because I have bloody nipple discharge and a rather deep dimple. I can't help but think the worst but do understand there are benign causes for this out there. Just glad my GP took me seriously.

Do you mind if I ask how you ladies felt at this stage? Am I insane or am I being normal?

Best wishes everyone

Kylie xxx

No Kylie,

You are not insane..... first let me say you are very sensible to see your doctors immediately.... you would be surprised how many think they are too young so don't bother.

I know this is a very scarey thing to try and come to terms with... and the waiting is the hardest bit.... If I had to discribe how I felt when I was waiting for appointments and tests then I think the only word I could come up with is....LOST... Very emotional and scared to death.... but I now know that all these feelings are perfectly normal.

If you are worried about what to expect, why not ring up your breast clinic and ask them.... they are normaly really good and have no problem explaining what you should expect.

When my doctor refered me to our local breast clinic, I was examined by a lady doctor, then I had to have a mammogram and an ultrasound scan..... I would suggest you take somebody with you... maybe your partner / Mum / friend just for a bit of moral support.... but I have to say that the breast care unit and all it's staff were brilliant and really did well to calm all my fears.

If you have any questions at all, please feel free to come here and ask, there is always somebody who has been in the situation you are in and able to offer help and advice.... we are all here for each other.

Take care honey... and try not to imagine the worst (easier said than done)

Love Caz xxx

Hey Littlesis,

So sorry I have not responded - I have really been slacking on my duties on here - I will have a proper catch-up and get back into the swing of things over the next couple of days!

Catch up soon.

T xxx

hi all,

i found another blooming lump Monday evening. But, i phoned my breast care nurse on Tuesday morning and saw a consultant today 9am - very good. Anyway, i wasn't overly worried about the lump having had the mri show jusst one area which was removed. The ultra sound revealed a cyst - not only usually common but extra common after surgery. i was so impressed with the speed of the appointment so the team could reassure me. But for me, it wasn't fear of the lump, it was the awful feelling of sitting in the areas that remind me of the diagnosis and i jusst find i can't settle when i am there. whilst i was waiting to go into the ultra sound room, the lady before me had to havea core biospy as they had found something and i felt really sick. I wanted to cry thinking of this poor lady and how i was some couple or so months ago. i was obviously relieved that nothing sinister was going on in the wonky globe of fat i call my left breast so at least for me today there was good news. Then later today i went and picked up my new wig - HURRAY - and it was far better than all my expectations, a little fringe trim and i'm away. I suddenly feel i can be normal again, but i am finding my hair thinning a little and odd stray hairs in the washing machine and over my shoulders and getting the wig was becoming a real issue for me.

i coped so much better after finding the lump Monday thanks to knowing I have so many friends here who understand my feelings. I didn't panic or go into over drive and stay up all lnight. Well, that's a lie, i did stay up till 5am this morning, but thats becasue me and my lovely old man had a giggle fit and a heart to heart about everything under the sun. It was lovely.

i am wishing you all well, I think about you often. we have such complex lives at the best of times but always, here, there is someone who takes the time to show they care. So thanks again to all of you for helping me on my journey.

xxxxx

Thanks Patricia, my hair grows very quickly, so hopefully it will come through thick and fast. Hope your dad is ok, glad nothing sinister is wrong with your son. Take care xx

OMG  hair is falling out all over the place. Although I knew this was going to happen - not only did i have plenty of warning and time to sort of get used to the idea - but i am suprised at the range of emotions. Part of me wants to keep running my fingers through to see how much comes out, another part wants to go cut it get it out of the way, another part wants to hang onto it til really desperate. Part of me keeps crying and i feel - strange, and someone i didn't know came to my house today with my son in law and i felt like it was inviting tickets to the freak show. Part of me says - well, this is it, the changes are happening so chemo is doing its stuff and now i can shop for all sorts of wigs and be who i want to be without having bad hair days.

i wish i had saved last month, as weird as it sounds, i feel like shaving the head, putting on the wig and a heap load of makeup and aparading my stuff. Guess this is the identity crisis and confdience part of such major changes.  Thanks for listeneing.

love to all xxx

hi Sara

I felt exactly the same when hair started falling out i sat on couch running my hands thru it till i realised i had a huge pile on about the 2/3rd day it looked patchy so i got someone to cut it to about 1/4 inch

It was really itchy and sensitive at first so i didnt want to shave it. it was really weird but i am usedto it now I still have this sort of thin soft downy stuff it reminds me of those potatoe head things we used to put on window sills and it grew grass!!

i still have my eyelashes(altough a bit thinner i think) and i have my eyebrows i have been wearing more eye make up . it is really weird as i have very big eyes and have spent most of my life trying not to draw anymore attention to then as evryone always comments . If i lose my eyelashes i will scare people like some mad eyed moody !! i have lovely wig and many many scarfs (charity shops great for scarfs ) i dnot mind it so much but i would like to ask yhe other ladies should i shave this  skin head stuff i have i was just worried it would be more itchy it would probably look bit better smooth iam not sure advice pleas ! the family and friends have been great about it they keep saying i have a nice sheped head whatever that means. the chemo gets tougher but u tick them off having my 4th on monday. but the week before i am almost my old self (except bald obviously )

dnot let it get u down it is part of the process and proves that horrblr stuff does somthing ! i must say showering is much much quicker

i hope u ok enjoy your week end everyone hope evryone doing ok

lots love and hugs nina xxxxxxx

Hi Sara,

It is a wierd time,I couldnt stand the tickling on my pillow all night and shaved it all off,my wig was better than my hair and no hairdressers fees !!As I have said before I thought I would look like Sinead O Connor but looked like Matt Lucas from Little Britain The good thing is it will grow back eventually.Go with the flow and dont let it get to you,You dont want to get depressed now when you are doing so well.But a santa hat to keep you warm!!You are such a positive person but will get off days as everyone does,keep some gooey ice cream ready and indulge on these days.Remember as Christina Aguellera sings "you are beautiful in every single way" and you are so much more than hair.

Stay strong,you WILL get there.

Rose xxx

hi patrica

so lovely to hear from you! feels like a long time. really missed this page n my friends, hopefully my internet will be as good as before all this mess.

honest, to have your phone line cut off when you havent requested it yourself is not good. but to be told your daughter called cos you had died is something else. then to find out it was a mistake but your phone company wont except responsibility n are still tryng to charge me for line connection fee is discusting. but thats how it is.   then came the holiday, after the chicken pox scare. 30 miles on way to airport what could possibly go wrong, only the car dying. luckily we were close enough to swap cars n managed to get on the plane with a little encouragement from my dad bless him. then my older boys gave charly tap water and consequently diarrhea for a few days. oh and the contsant charly screaming for the first five days, and the liam leaving his psp and brand new mp5 player on the coach back to the airport, consequently lost, it has not been a great time! still nice to have a week in the sun but never again until charly is at least five!!!!!!!

still struggling with side affects and my arms are so sore, but until i finish the herceptin and avastin, it looks like i'm stuck with it. been to see a lymphodeama nurse for a massage as my breast and arm still feel sore and swollen. Apparently got lymphodeama in my boob. Should of seen me i still wore my bikini on holiday. Just got lot's of side effects still ongoing and i haven't felt that well.

I will write some more tomorrow can't think properly again sorry. Colly that picture that's up is 3 months after Chemo i have alot more now and i will update soon. Eyelashes are growing but still too short to use mascara. Be back soon girls dylan finished off for me.

Love leonie xxxxx

hi all,

thank you for your messages, I am going to get through tomorrow by cutting and styling the wig, and getting rid of as many loose hairs as poss and then decide whether or not to shave it! I have heard by the way that keeping it shaved to about 3-5mm helps the hair grow faster and thicker. I can't say for sure because this is new to me too, but apparantly it is like shaving your legs, the hair needs to work harder and so it does by becoming thicker and more active. Anyway, i would never have got through without the support from you all, and knowing you have been there. It hasn't been as hard as i thought, although i expect tears when its all gone. part of the healing process.

And Leonie - my word you have had a very busy and trying time. i am amazed how this horrible thing changes us all and the way we cope with things. We should be proud of ourselves for learning growing and still having huge hearts and empathy. My son in law bought me a bottle of wine (maybe beacuse i threw a wobbly) and i intend to have a glass tomorrow and either cheer myself up or cry until it is out of my system.I hope i can look as good as the other ladies here, I am truely inspired now by the way you all cope (yes we all do have our moments) but also by the way you look. beauty may come from within, by my word some of you are just so lovely on the outside too.

i have decided to do somthing completely mad. I am going to get my daughter to paint my head and face like a drag queen - just for the giggle, i promise to post the pics in the hope that out of this horrible side effect i can raise a smile.

Love to you all

saraxxxxxxx

Hi Ladies

Nina, I cannot believe how quickly time has gone, to think you are on your 4th chemo.  I will be on my last one on the 25/11 - Hooray!  My hair seems to be growing back but now my eyebrows and lashes are thinning.  Are you have a different chemo for the last 3?  The doxitel has made me a lot more tired and taken 2 weeks to get over, but I am feeling my old self today so I am thankful for that, helps to forget the last 2 weeks!  We even went out last night for a friends birthday and did not get in until midnight!  That is a first in a long long time.  It made me feel normal again, although it can be quite over whelming.

Sara - everyone is different I know but I decided to cut my hair (Hubby did) all over with a number 1 on the clippers.  I bought a wig, but mostly at home I either go without or wear a beanie. I think it can look quite attractive when you have made up your eyes, my son said i should go out like it, but I am not that brave.  I think when it starts to come back I am going to dye it blond and have a Annie Lennox look lol!

Best wishes to you all and hope the next week is better for you.

Love

Anne

x

Hi Anne,

25/Nov - Not long now....I love the profile picture

How brilliant that you are staying out late - I take it you enjoyed yourself?

It is funny (not ha ha) that we worry so much, I am on my second lot of chemo this Friday and didn't think hair loss would worry me as I have a no 4 on top and no 2 on the sides. My hair is okay for the moment but I am told it has a good chance of dropping out....like I said, didn't think I would be worried but now started to think a bit about it...as a youngster I had my head shaved as a skinhead and liked the attention and the staring but this is different...people will see that I am ill and see/ treat me differently. I suppose it is natural to worry or look at people but I don't want to be ill and have people look and treat me differently. I am not going to wear a wig but can see me wearing a beanie! We'll see how that goes.

Much love to you all, you are inspirations...

On that word inspiration...It only really means something when the person saying it actually acts on the 'inspirational' thoughts...you all inspire me to keep going and stop moaning as you all go through so much and still manage a smile!

Tony xxxx

Hi Anne,

25/Nov - Not long now....I love the profile picture

How brilliant that you are staying out late - I take it you enjoyed yourself?

It is funny (not ha ha) that we worry so much, I am on my second lot of chemo this Friday and didn't think hair loss would worry me as I have a no 4 on top and no 2 on the sides. My hair is okay for the moment but I am told it has a good chance of dropping out....like I said, didn't think I would be worried but now started to think a bit about it...as a youngster I had my head shaved as a skinhead and liked the attention and the staring but this is different...people will see that I am ill and see/ treat me differently. I suppose it is natural to worry or look at people but I don't want to be ill and have people look and treat me differently. I am not going to wear a wig but can see me wearing a beanie! We'll see how that goes.

Much love to you all, you are inspirations...

On that word inspiration...It only really means something when the person saying it actually acts on the 'inspirational' thoughts...you all inspire me to keep going and stop moaning as you all go through so much and still manage a smile!

Tony xxxx

Hi Tony

Funny thing about the picture is I cannot see it!! Probably have to do something and I haven't, oh well never mind.

Sorry to hear you have to have chemo again, that must be all of our worst fears but we will all do it because we want to carry on.  I wish you all the best. I liked your picture, looks like the facility is good whereever you are having your treatment.

A beannie is a good choice I have lived in mine. I wear my wig if I have to dress up a bit but I usually wear my beannie especially when I am feeling a bit s**t.  Thank goodness it is winter as I am not sure what they would make of me in Tescos with my Lions Rugby supporters bright red hat on!

All the best

Anne

x

Hi All,

nina, I have my 2nd chemo Friday, how are you feeling now? Your treatment seems to be flying by.

Tony, I have my hair cropped and yet it is still falling out and making a mess everywhere. My dad lost his hair with chemo many years ago and he always wore a hat. I think it is harder for a man to hide hair loss than a woman for so many reasons. I am not brave enough to let my neighbours see me without the long red wig, but indoors i sport my new moulting look with a little bit of pride. It is the new me and a look i can live with when the hair grows back. My hair has been below my shoulders for over 35 years so a short hair do is a real shock for me, but i am learning to live with it. I agree with you though, my biggest fear was people looking and thinking i was sick. It does make you feel vunerable. And the wig is itchy so i wear it for short bursts - like driving to the school to pick up my grandaughter or walking to the local shops. The funny thing is - i went ot my local post office today - ive known the people there for a good few years. no one batted an eye lid, so it made me feel better. My daughter did say to me though that when i wore the wig i tended to hold my face down and not walk so upright and she said that was the biggest difference in me. So all shoulders back, head up and lets face the world with pride.

Anyway I only called in tonight as i couldn't sleep - head itches and keep getting mouthfuls of hair, and for some reason i just feel fretful but not over anything i can put my finger on. I thought I'd call in and say hi and then get back to some writing and wear my self out. Sigh..... what it is to be a lady of leisure and not think about getting up in the morning.....

love to all

sara x

Hi sara, anne, lee, leonie, caz, tony, gosh there are so many of us now, rose,shents,nina, who have i missed lol

Sara I know what your daughter means with your head being down, i tend not to move my head properly whilst wearing wig and finish up with a sore neck. The last 3 treatments of chemo, taxotere, or doxitere do make your bones very sore and takes longer to recover. Hope you are all doing well, you too tony. Tho my question is really aimed at the women lol so tony cover your eyes!

During my 3rd chemo my period stopped and ive been having really bad night time sweats, its awful, anyone else getting these? Breast doc says to be patient that my period may come back, but if i have gone into early menopause i dont think i can put up with this, they are awful, any tips?

Hope all is well with everyone and hope i havent missed anybody, xxx

hi all

lovely to catch up on your news. just got few bits useless info that might help. firstly sara my head really itched i found using some sort of oil helped i bought wheatgerm oil from holland and barrat (cos it has no smell i somtimes put it on my face thoght it might help th wrinkles!! my skin alo gets dry so i use baby oil other wise itchin drives me mad .

i had my 4th chemo yesterday and i was realy dreading it as i felt rubbish after last one mainly sickness despite extra meds .but so far so good i bought those sea sick bands thay are wrist bands that are suppose to work on the pressure points on wrists thet are abot £7 from chemist i dont know if its tem or what but iam not takin them off in case.

iam having just fec not the other regeime apparently they chose either regeime a or b so glad only 2 left it feels better to be over half way new year new star last one will be 7th jan its my birtday 16th jan so plan to celebrate and in april when all finished i am having big thank fec its over party wish u all live closer and could come !!!!

colly re ?prem menopause it is a recognised side affect not sur how olsd u are i am 46 and have fibroids so bled all the time (it is the reason i went to dr in first place as they wanted me to have hysterectomy until i found the flipping lump !! so iam hoping chemo shrinks them and stops bleeding no luck yet although i did have flush yesterday so know wht u mean !!. not sure how much we can do as normally they are controlled by replacing oestrogen which of course we can do !! ther are some "natural products which are suppose to help but not sure how mix with chemo . certainly there is so evidence that soya products help milk. quorn etc but not sur how much u have to consume . i think its just case cold fannel cahnge clthes i like u be very interested in what girls have you say .

hope all well with everyone going to do some online xmas shopping to try to feel organised !!

lots love and hugs nina xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hi girls

colly i had the hot sweats but they seem to have calmed down, maybe cos its too bloody cold! havent had as many the last 4/6 weeks though, but still dont have any periods. who knows if this is the change, spose i'll find out next year. its not nice waking up wet n not being able to sleep because of them but we dont really have a choice. at least our chemo has finished.

nina will be thinking of you n cheering you on, roll on 7th jan. 2 more n you are finished. thats my birthday, n i'll be toasting you. hope you are managing alright.

tony i cant believe you are having to go through it all again. i didnt know. im so sorry! you just make sure you take all our love n add it to your strength n fight all the way. my heart goes out to you n your family at this awful time. wish you all the strength to get through this. lots of love coming your way.    leonie xxxxxxxxxx

Hi Everyone

Hope you are all doing well, I thought I would drop a line as I have been busy with my Radiotherapy, work etc and now only 3 more to go then that is it until next Summer when I have my reconstruction and I cannot wait to get my life back to a certain level.

Lonie like you I have terrible sweats but mine seem to be midday, the nurse has said to take my tablets in the evening and this should help, when do you take yours or are you having heceptin.

Colly how are you doing as I have not heard from you in a little while, hope all is okay with you

Tony I have not contacted you as I did not know what to say except I am so sorry to hear your news, YOU WILL BEAT IT THIS TIME. My thoughts are with you and your family but you know where we all are if you need us. Once again Tony you can give us all your words of wisdom as I know without them I would not of got through my really dark days that I had where my husband was concerned without them you are a real gem, your wife is soooooooooooooooooo lucky to have you. I will not depress you today ha ha but drop me a line so we may have a chat when your feeling up to it.

Sara how are things going with you as nobody has been on here in a while, has your infection cleared up now?

Anyway all take care of yourselves and speak to you all soon

Littlesis xxxxxx

Hi girlies and tony, thanks to you who got back to me re night time sweats lol, leonie ive started my 5 yr tamoxifen and although they are supposed to cause the sweats ive not had them as much, as you say prob cause its cold, little sis thanks to you too. Anyway radio started last fri and seems to be going ok, prob later on the tiredness and maybe sore breast will start, did anyone else get a sore breast with radio? Got my eyelashes done today £50 bu well worth it as my were very sparse(is that the right word lol) it lasts for 2 months, fab to have lashes again and got eye brows tinted to darken uo the little i had, hair coming through, but looks grey lol, im only 46 hope its just at the roots, will get it coloured as soon as its thick enough. Lee my babe where are you? Anyone who has facebook, add me if you wish- Colette Jameson, think im the only one. Radio finishes 7th jan so roll on 2011. Night night, up early for hosp, got voluntary driver to take me as too much to drive every day. lots of love xx

Hey Littlesis,

I keep telling myself I will beat it as they say you can beat anything with positive thoughts but the 'Terminal' tag just keeps slipping back in to my mind...

You only have 3 to go, fantastic...have a celebration and let us know how it goes!

You are a lovely lady and will check in on you soon so we can have a proper chat.

Much Love

T xxx

Hey Colls,

I am 46 too, 1964 was a great 'vintage'...what month?

By the way that is not grey but silver coming through or maybe even platinum unlike mine that looks the colour of lead...not the sort of colour you go to the hairdressers for and ask for...'I want my hair the colour of a lead church roof'

There you go I have added you and what a lovely picture

Much Love

T xxx

Hi all

great to here all your news love and hugs

what a year 1964 is theres loads of us

had 4th chemo took longer to get over still little rough but gettin ther only 2 left

been doing some online xmas shopping want to spoil my lovely family this year after what we all goin thru!!

we all keep goin

hope sara and caz ok

colly love pic on facebook anyone want add me its nina diplock

love hugs to all

nina xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx