Hi, I`m 45 and live with my wonderful partner.
Not sure where to start but I guess right at the beginning is the best place.
About 6 weeks ago I went to the Drs after finding a lump in my left breast, she didn`t think it was anything to worry about even though it seemed quite large but organised a mammogram as a routine anyway. She said that they may do an ultrasound and biopsy too. So, 2 weeks later I went along and wasn`t too worried when I had all three.
I was then taken into a room and told immediately that it wasn`t good news and that I had 2 lumps (one in Lymph) and that they were both cancerous! Also that I would have to have a mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiotherapy & prob hormone therapy. I was in complete shock as the literature I had been given said that any results would be given the following week after tests had come back from the lab.
I then went for a chest x-ray, followed a couple of days later by a CT scan and bone scan. I was told I would be having chemotherapy before surgery to shrink the tumour and zap it as quickly a poss. That started 3 weeks ago and I`m due my second tomorrow but just yesterday I saw my oncologist who gave me the results of my bone scan which I had been dreading as I have a disc problem and so have had back pain for many years. He has told me that the cancer has spread to my bones it`s in my back in three places and in my femur.
I am absolutely devastated. In 6 weeks I have gone from a happy, confident, seemingly fit and healthy, carefree person to a complete wreck who looks and feels terrible.
I coped with the first chemo well ~ I only got a bit of indigestion, so I know I should feel grateful but I`m now starting to feel like what`s the point? I am so low but feel very guilty because I don`t want to upset my partner any more but I can`t stop crying.
It feels as though everything is being taken away from me. I don`t have children but after longing for my own horse for years, I have one, but am now told I may not be able to ride for much longer.
My Mum, who I am very close to, was diagnosed with peritoneal cancer two years ago and may not have long left. I have a very supportive sister but feel that I am just burdening her with more problems.
I am very lucky to have my wonderful partner, he has been amazing. I just don`t know how to carry on right now, I can`t seem to feel positive about anything. I`m not even sure it`s sinking in ~ i`m typing this and it doesn`t feel like it`s me I`m talking about. How can it be me?!
It seems like everyone knows someone who has had breast cancer but never to the degree I have. My friends tell me how people they know have had it and come through ok but that just makes me feel worse.
If there is anyone out there who has been through what I am going through I would soooooo appreciate you getting in touch.
I`m sorry its so long but thank you for reading
