Hello Candyfloss777,

I'm very sorry to hear what you're going through. These situations are not uncommon but I do feel for you, especially as the atmosphere in your household isn't exactly positive. It must be hard to try to engage with someone that isn't giving back, but I would say that your wellbeing is what's most important so I hope you're looking after yourself.

It's great that you've had therapy via the NHS and while it's a shame it couldn't continue, I hope there were some learnings and positive behaviours you can continue to practise. Please don't hesitate to reach out to Samaritans again if you ever need to and we also have guidance around living with Chronic lymphocytic leukaemia and mental health and cancer, which you can refer to at anytime. If you haven't already, it must be worth contacting Citizen's Advice. They have information online or you can find a branch near you to discuss your financial situation in person. It might be that the sale of your house could allow you to rent a place of your own, but they can also discuss other options that might be available to you. 

I hope this help in some way and please know that whatever happens there's always support out there. Cancer Chat is also here if you ever need someone to talk to. 

I wish you all the best,

Moderator Anastasia

Thank you so much for your reply Anastasia, I don't think you realise how lovely it was to hear back from someone.

A lot is going on in my mind at the moment, so I am finding it hard to think straight. Life can be a *** with everything coming at you at the same time.

My Counselling with the NHS did help, as I was having trouble with my x back then too. I am not sure what the answer is at the moment? But I will keep looking for some way out so I can live a life without so much stress. I have found something online to try and learn how to deal with my X partners ignorance, and avoidance. I think he is being very immature, and very disrespectful of what I am already going through with cancer. (It does not help that we share a 2 up, 2 down house!) There is a communication tactic used to deal with emotional abuse, also to help me learn how to deal with the feeling of walking on egg shells. Apparently it is called Gray Rocking which means using brief responses if he is looking for confrontation like "Ok" "Maybe" or "I see" to avoid fueling the drama he wants to make me react to? I will give it a try as it does not help to react to his want for conflict.

Thank you once again Anastasia, 

I will keep in mind the Citizen's advice, but at the moment I am living day to day.

x