Hello Jean. I decided to look in on the cancer chat rooms and to see what other people are talking about and I came across your message. I feel pretty much the same way as you are feeling. Thankfully, I'm not currently in pain but I have stage 4 terminal cancer with months left to live. I can't be sure how many exactly.

I have been having treatment for almost four years now (radiotherapy, chemotherapy and immunotherapy) all to no avail. It's been tough going physically and mentally but you would know all about that. 

I live alone and have only recently told my small family the full extent of my prognosis. I didn't want to burden them to much as they have their own problems. 

I haven't spoken to any of the cancer support networks in a long time and had a frank conversation about how I'm feeling. I suffer from the same anxieties about what's to come and how will I be able to cope.That has been a mistake on my part. I intend to remedy that and reach out for their help. As it is now early evening on a Saturday night I will do that on Monday.morning.

I have tried to take this one day at a time, and that has helped me so far, but I realise it's not enough to sustain me. I've had a few difficult periods in my life but having  terminal cancer and treatment has been gruelling to say the very least. It's difficult not to just give up.

The only advice I could give is to reach out to people managing the support helplines at Macmillan, Maggie's, Marie Curie etc and talk openly about what's going on for you. That will be my next step as a priority. I wish you well in the meantime. Neil.