As I noticed your post had not yet received a reply, I wanted to pop in and say hello, AliceM25.

It sounds as though this anniversary has brought a lot back for you, which is very understandable. After such an intense year of diagnosis, major surgery and chemotherapy, it can feel unsettling when hospital appointments start to reduce and there is no clear sense of what comes next. Many people describe this as a kind of limbo, where the focus has been on getting through treatment and suddenly there is space to feel everything that was put on hold.

What you are describing does not sound selfish at all. Living alongside ongoing side effects and practical challenges while also feeling grateful your husband is here can be a difficult balance to hold. You might find it helpful to have a look at this page from our website with information for family members, friends and caregivers as it talks about some of these feelings you describe and ways of coping.

If at any point you feel it would help to speak to someone on the phone, our nurses are available on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm.

And last but not least, please remember to be gentle on yourself.

All the best to you both,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator