Hello EE90, 

It's terribly sad that your mum is struggling so much at the moment in hospital and that she is struggling to get appropriate pain relief, is not eating and is unable to get any sleep due to the pain. It's awful to see a loved one suffer even if the doctors have tried to up her morphine to keep her comfortable but haven't managed to do so. I can imagine you are feeling totally helpless in this situation and I completely understand that you would want to respect her wishes for her end of life care whilst making sure she is well looked after at home and as pain free as possible. I would perhaps discuss this option with the specialists at the hospital who are looking after her at the moment. They will be able to tell you I am sure whether they feel she needs to be in hospital right now for monitoring and to make sure they get the pain relief sorted out properly or if they can consider getting her home. I think it's important in a situation like this to get as much information from the medical experts as possible as they are looking after her and will know best what options are available to her at the moment and after she is discharged from hospital. 

Don't hesitate also to get in touch with our cancer nurses on this free number 0808 800 4040 their helpline is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm - I am sure that they will be happy to talk things through with you and point you in the right direction. 

We also have information on our website on support at home for you and your family so that you know what kind of support is available if she is able to come home soon. 

We are thinking of you and your family during this difficult time and I wanted you to know you are not alone and I hope that I will be joined by other members of our community who have sadly been in a similar place before and that they will have some good advice for you from their personal experiences caring for a loved one with advanced cancer. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator