I was diagnosed a week ago with laryngeal cancer T1. There are lots of positives - they've got it early, should only need laser surgery and all should be sorted. BUT I keep getting thoughts of self-harm to start finishing myself off before the cancer does. My voice is deteriorating so quickly that I feel it's spreading and is going to take me over - I know this is irrational as I've been told it's unlikely to spread, but it's this thought of the parasitic invasion into my body that is completely beyond my control, and that it might be better if I just bash my own head in and have done with it before it takes me over completely. I don't think i'd actually do any of this, but they're quite disturbing and strange thoughts and I wondered if anyone else had anything similar or suggestions of help as at the moment I feel like a crazy woman who's all alone. No-one around me understands what the hell I'm going through right now and it's isolating and frightening.
