Hi,

I have recently been operated on for the third time, for cancer. Once for bowel, which was a cut and shut, a secondary cancer on my liver, where it was treated with chemo and the lobe of the liver removed surgically, and this month, for a recurrence of the bowel cancer, which has left me with a temporary 'Sir Keir' Stoma and a 'Nigel' (ileostomy bag).

I can deal with all of that. The problem I have is that I am a stoic. When I have pain, I become insular, I don't scream and shout, I deal with it. If I need help, I will ask, but have little or no enthusiasm for engaging in protracted discussions about other people's real or imagined problems. This is perceived as being ungrateful for the limited amount of help I need. I do let people know, very politely that I can't deal with certain things at the moment, that may be important to them, in that moment, but are really not to me. 

So I find myself labelled an ingrate, and have to skulk off to my room because I am evidently not fit company, 

Do I really have to change my natural inclination to deal with my discomfort and illness myself? Am I being so unreasobale that I deserve being ostracised. I ask for very little, of it is possible, I will do something myself. This evening, I changed my bedclothes, which took nearly an hour and rather tired me out, but I want to do as much for myself as I can so as not to impose on others. Am I being selfish?

Kevin