I have just completed my first round of chemo (FLOT) after my diagnosis of oesophageal cancer T3N0M0 and wanted to share my story so far  partly to help anyone else who care to read it but also as an act of catharsis .

It seems like a hundred years ago I had the endoscopy that discovered my tumour but in reality it was only the end of Feb. Everything has been a whirlwind of tests, appointment's ,more tests, anticipating results ,fear and finally acceptance of my  situation, I am in a very exclusive club that no one wants to join.

I have learned what is important to me and what is not, I think I always knew but this certainly focusses the mind to this.

I my new normal the thing that was causing me the most anxiety was what would be my reaction  to the chemo, we all have I expect read about worst case scenarios and me being me I had to steel myself that that would be my experience. It's been a week now since they hooked up my PICC line to the meds and yes the side effects were bad but not as bad as we had planned for so I'll take that. "The worst hangover in the world without all the fun of the night before" is how one of my friends described treatment and I have to agree, although its been I long long time since I indulged in such activities my misspent youth has somehow prepared me for what's to come!

Everything now is short term it seems, "just get through this next week" is my new mantra, plans are scratched in sand on the beach and maybe a wave will break and wipe them away or maybe they will be safe and come to pass, who can say? But we have to make the plans don't we? Things to aim for however large or small they may be to try and keep a sense or normality in our life.

I have spent a lot of time reading peoples accounts of their journeys on these pages and found great comfort in them both practical and emotional too. If the moderators allow I will use the site as my own little journal and share with you all my experiences of this "Worst Club In The World"

See you soon