To say I’m struggling is an understatement, diagnosed with very early breast cancer in 2022, no chemo as clear borders etc and just a year of Herceptin, I was told that the chance of it returning was almost non-existent, May 2024 I was told it had spread to my lymph nodes and battling chronic lymphoedema at the biopsy site, an eighteen week course of chemo started, after eight weeks had a scan as the lymph nodes had reduced so much to show there was no evidence of disease in my body but cruelly there were some small brain tumours, changed to a targeted therapy which has been difficult to tolerate with the side effects, the last scan showed dramatic progress and most of the mets had shrunk and there were only two very small areas left after three lots of chemo. I know I should feel hopeful for the next scan but unfortunately I can’t look ahead to any sort of future, I haven’t moved on at all from the diagnosis in May last year, it’s definitely an existence and not a life especially with the side effects, how do I ever get out of this trauma and see any sort of life ahead? I don’t know who I am anymore compared to the person I was, there is no acceptance as it’s too terrifying, the few different counsellors I’ve tried don’t seem to touch the trauma I’m feeling, there is quite a back history as well of PTSD which has obviously flared up since the diagnosis, I suppose I just want some hope that a future where cancer isn’t the only thing you think about from the moment you wake up
