Hi Jobo1 and welcome to the forum.

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. When things become so overwhelming and you feel like you have no control it can be so difficult to see a way through, but please don't give up.

I and the rest of the Cancer Chat community are here for you Jobo1 and I'm sure some of our members, many of whom have also struggled with all the difficult thoughts and feelings being on a cancer journey can bring, will be along soon to offer you their support and advice.

In the meantime, I would strongly encourage you to speak to someone about how you are feeling. If you feel unable to discuss this with your family or friends, please give the Samaritans a call on 116 123. They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and will do all they can to help you at this very difficult time. 

The mental health charity Mind also have a lot of useful information and advice on how to cope with suicidal feelings as well what to do if you feel unable to keep yourself safe at this time. 

I can't begin to imagine what life has been like for you over the last 10 years Jobo1, but I really do hope you can take some strength, and comfort, from knowing that you are safe here and can always talk to us about what you are going through.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator