I'm sorry to hear about the complex range of emotions you've been contending with since returning to work Mummymartin.

Our members know how difficult this transition can be, so you are not alone in feeling this way, and I'm sure our members will be along soon to offer some support and advice.

If it would help to talk things through with our cancer nurses, they're available Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m on 0808 800 4040. They're really easy to talk to and will do all they can to support you at this time.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself Mummymartin. You've been through a lot and it will take some time to process everything that has happened. If you think you have returned to work a bit too soon then maybe you could discuss this further with your GP and/or medical team and get their thoughts and advice.

We're here for you Mummymartin, and sending you all our support.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you for your message. My head is telling me I’ve been through something trivial but people I know still look mortified when I tell them I have cancer. Maybe I’m underestimating  what I’ve been through. I’m trying to give myself some slack but also aware I need to get healthier  both physically and mentally for the next part of treatment. I am glad you are doing well 5 years on 

Hi friend, 

I think you need time to absorb what you have already experienced and to prepare for what comes next. The work environment is stressful enough without the added pressures of a recent life changing event especially if you have additional management responsibility.

Don't be hard on yourself and if you've gone back too soon speak to your GP and think about a phased return or time off if needed. 

Take care of your mental health as your physical health has some way to go.xxx

Hi Mummymartin,

What you have been through may sound trivial, but the diagnosis alone hits us like a steam train and leaves us with many emotional hurdles to contend with. Surgery is usually a lot more straightforward than we expect it to be, but there is a lot of stress in the run up to your operation and a hill to climb to get back to physical fitness after it. You are still contending with uncertainty, as to whether or not you will need chemo. I am sure that you will feel somewhat apprehensive about starting radiotherapy and hormone therapy, both of which can leave you feeling extremely tired. Does that all sound trivial? I am only mentioning the basics here. Hopefully, you won't have any side-effects to your treatments, as this brings another hotch-potch into the mix.

I was self-employed and running my own business, when I was diagnosed. Like you, I was anxious to get back to work as soon as possible. When I got back, I found that I was taking on too much. I, too, was fortunate that my cancer was Pure Mucinous breast cancer, stage 1, one of the rarer and less aggressive cancers. There was no lymph node involvement. I had a lumpectomy for this. I lost my mum to secondary cancer a few years prior to my diagnosis and I was not dealing well with the cancer situation. Within 6 months, I found a lump in my other breast, which my surgeon thought was another cancer, but upon biopsy, was pre-cancerous. Almost a year to the date of my first operation, I found another lump in my original breast. This time it was a second cancer and I had a double mastectomy. During my 7½ years of hormone treatment, I had a lot of side-effects and became utterly exhausted, as I was unable to sleep at night. I also gained 6 stones in weight. I eventually had to take myself in check and started to try and improve my weight, my physical fitness and my emotional wellbeing.

I attended some of the excellent courses run by Breast Cancer Now. The one on Moving Forward was particularly helpful. I also attended Maggies  and the Haven and spoke to counsellors, as well as joining in some of the classes they run. Talking to others at these centres, who had been afflicted by cancer, was a great help. It certainly made me feel that there were many others, who were far worse off than I was. I was also referred to an exercise class run for people recovering from major surgeries, who were too unfit to join the normal exercise classes. I attended this for 12 weeks, until I was able to join in a fitness class for seniors and managed to lose 5½ stones. I attended a pain management class run by a doctor and a psychiatrist. This was not specifically for cancer, but for a number of chronic medical conditions. This was attended by a number of younger people, some of whom were in a bad way. Again, this helped me to appreciate my own condition. When this stopped, a group of the attendees formed our own support group and met at each others' homes regularly. I had to cut down on my working hours to be able to attend these meetings. I had to employ extra staff to enable me to do this,  but collectively, each activity helped, in their own small way. I have also contributed to this forum for the past 14 years and I have found this helpful for myself, as well as, I hope, for others. It is a great way of listening to other people's woes and not concentrating so much on my own health issues. Again, there are so many people here, who are so much worse than I am and I feel humbled every time I visit the forum, when I hear their stories.

It is still early days for you to feel happy in yourself again. I have been fortunate enough to have had an additional 15 years, since my diagnosis and have had plenty of time to come to terms with the "new me" post cancer. I will never be the same as I was pre cancer, but I am content with my new life. Although the possibility of recurrence still lives with me, it is no longer the overawing worry that it used to be. This peace of mind has gradually crept in over the years. Certainly, getting involved in many non-cancer related interests and activities, has certainly made my life a lot easier to cope with. I suspect that it is a combination of all of the above, that has finally allowed me to accept my lot in life and to feel happy again. This solution may not be for everyone and I wonder how others have coped - it would be interesting to hear the viewpoints of others.

It sounds as if you do need to take more time off. How understanding do you think that your employers might be if you had to do this? Your will certainly feel a lot more tired, once you start radiotherapy every weekday. You may also find that you experience some of the side-effects of hormone treatment, which you will need to allow for, as part of your recouperation. Do you know how many radiotherapy sessions you'll be having yet? I sincerely hope that cutting back on your work will be a big help in how you feel, but I hope that you can find empowerment in your daily activities. The past few months you may feel, have been taken over by visits to hospitals, uncertainty and fear. Many of us feel that we lose our identity in the early days, as we are constantly being told what we have to do with our lives. Life is too short to live it like this. You will find that the sooner you can start to take charge again, the better you will begin to feel.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx