I won’t beat about the bush. Has anyone said directly that your cancer is terminal, or have they said “Stage 4 and incurable”?
This may seem like a smart *** question but I used to get angry when anyone, including a MacMillan nurse, described me as a terminal patient. Our local hospice describes terminal as death probable within six weeks.
An awful lot of incurable stage 4 patients survive for several years - “terminal” is such a hopeless label and can lead to despair which leads to fatal wrong decisions.
Anger is part of the grieving process but, for many of us, it’s also what keeps us fighting when the odds are stacked against us. Don’t accept anything as “inevitable”, “God’s will” or any other deterministic nonsense until you’ve tried everything available to fight this.
Good luck! Dave (stage 4, incurable and 11 years in remission)
Hi dave i have lung cancer collapse lung spread to my lymph node's it's not terminal im receiving chemo and immunotherapy when they first told me i was all over the place thinking terminal thats what people always say and it *** me off i just need to come to terms and believe that i can fight this *** C ,as im usually a wee fighter have to be brought up in Belfast he he ,
But all the Belfast girls I ever met were such shy, retiring colleens! Except for my friend’s sisters who used to beat him up just for the craic lol As well as the T word, I hate it when they apply grieving process terms to my cancer when they don’t know the first thing about me. “Dave, you’re in the denial stage” because I was poker faced and not a blubbering wreck or “you’re trying to negotiate your way out of this”. i was trying to explain my rationale to a MacMillan nurse who sai she “wanted to show me around the local hospice where you’ll probably die”. Here’s my cold-hearted rational, as it was at the time. 1) I’ve been told there’s a 95% chance that my cancer will kill me within 5 years. 2) logically that means there’s a 5% chance that it won’t 3) 5% equals odds of 20 to 1 and I’ve seen race horses been those ofds 4) that 95% is based on patients of all ages and conditions, including very frail elderly falk with very low fitness levels who can’t tolerate chemo etc. (I researched this as an NHS Chief Information Officer) 5) at 55, I was relatively young, as fit as a fiddle with a lot to live for 6) it wasn’t cancer that killed off most patients, it was infections like pneumonia and COPD
I then had a long, serious, conversation with my oncologist who agreed to give me chemo at the high end of what was permitted and start immediately.
After each set of three weekly infusions I allowed myself to sleep for 36 hours before forcing myself to shower, dress and take my dog for a walk. My wife almost force fed me to avoid me becoming weak through under-eating.
I also went into almost complete social isolation to avoid infection. Pre-covid and people thought I was bonkers!
Luck played the biggest part but my stobborn mental attitude meant I stuck with the chemo, even when it felt like it was killing me! People avoid mentioning that in case it puts people off starting chemo but “no pain, no gain” is pretty true.
