Hi Mandy849125,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. It sounds like you've been through a lot and I can understand what you are saying about anything 'normal' feeling difficult.

I also understand that it is difficult sometimes to speak about this with those around you, and wanting to come across as positive.

Finding those who understand and who can relate is important, and by speaking to these people it should be a helpful outlet for you, and also mean you have a space to be honest about how you're feeling.

This forum is one of those places, and it's a very understanding and supportive community of people. Hopefully you'll get more replies to your post soon, but if not you can browse or search the forum for other discussions and people to connect with.

You may also want to explore other resources, such as Macmillan and also Maggie's. These organisations have helplines, resources and also local centres, and can help with meeting or speaking to people.

Finding little things to enjoy in your usual activities sounds like a good idea, and the holiday also sounds like a nice idea too, so perhaps that would be worth looking into.

I hope this forum can be of some help to you and we are always here if you need it.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

sorry you are experiencing this I am in similar circumstances palliative chemo waiting for scan and pet scan next week . Prognosis for my cancer is not good and like you I am consumed by the thoughts of what lies ahead . My husband and family are really supportive as are my friends but I can’t seem to find the energy to be anything other  than sad and sometimes angry about how cruel life is . I will  keep you in my thoughts and wish at least some sort of Peace . 

If your husband doesn't want to go, consider a break away by yourself or with a friend. A nice spa retreat or somewhere on the coast. Short holiday abroad in the sun ! I think maybe your husband could be a little more understanding, he has no idea of how it feels to travel this road. If your 'misery' is overwhelming you, have you thought about counselling. It may help, have a word with Maggies or Macmillans. It's really hard to drag yourself out of the all consuming emotions of cancer and just as hard to put on the expected brave face. Go and have that well deserved little holiday x