Where do I begin? 
A month ago I had a total ciliary clearance and 1 out of 10 nodes had cancer. I also had 2 out of 3 cancerous nodes removed from my breastbone. Unfortunately the 3rd one is too close to my heart and so inoperable. 
I don't know where to turn. I've had radiotherapy so can't have that, I had sepsis from the last chemotherapy and so the oncologist says I risk dying if I have another dose. He is willing to let me try but I'm petrified as he is so strongly pushing the negatives. 
so I'm left with just leave the cancer in the 3rd node to spread and die from the cancer cells that are in my bloodstream planting themselves in a major organ. I keep having panic attacks and can't cope.