Hi Applelady,

I'm having the same problem and trying to sort it, but I have no solution for you! I have phases when I feel ok, and I might be able to get sleep eventually, but mostly I have terrible anxiety nightmares and when I wake up the negative emotions stick with me for ages. I've woken up screaming too. Sometimes I give up trying and just stay up all night. During the day I can mostly think positively and accept I don't know what's in my future... radiotherapy soon...so I wonder if it's underlying anxiety that comes out in my dreams or keeps me awake. Maybe it's the same for you? I don't give in to sleeping in the day, but I do feel lethargic and don't want to do much, there's a loss of my previous zest for life. There's so much to deal with when you have a cancer diagnosis. I think accepting that you aren't useless, you're going through something really, really *** and giving yourself leave to be down and struggling might help. Don't be hard on yourself. Most women I know support others so much that during times when they're going through a bad time they can't change focus and care for themselves. I'm lucky that I'm not working now, so lack of sleep doesn't affect me in terms of keeping up with those sorts of responsibilities, so I know it's more difficult for others - maybe in that way for you. Anyway, I've really just rambled a bit here haha, but I wanted to say you aren't alone in this, I know how horrible it is and to offer you a cyber hug in the hope things get better for you soon x

Amazing read..I thought I was alone with the fact that I have been having some really strange and vivid dreams lately especially after my lumpectomy and removal of 5 x nodes. Can’t begin to tell you how painful it has been over the past 6 weeks. Now I am afraid of the imminent radiotherapy which starts next week. I have days too where I feel useless and I returned to work just 3days a week. I feel ok as needed to get back into things gradually which is ok but I dread how I will feel mentally and physically in a few weeks! I pray it won’t be too much of an ordeal and life will get back to being harmonious! I’ll try to be more optimistic but pessimism does rear its ugly head most days! Returning the cyber hug x

I'm really sorry to hear about the struggles you're facing since your diagnosis. It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed and experience disruptions in sleep patterns during such a challenging time. Have you considered reaching out to a therapist or counselor who specializes in supporting cancer patients? They can provide coping strategies and support as per  your needs. Additionally, engaging in relaxation techniques like deep breathing, gentle exercise, or listening to calming music before bed might help improve sleep quality. One of my relative was dealing with sleeping issues, nightmares and palpitations due to serious health condition. She tried simple 30 min. of meditation before sleep and listened soothing musics. That helps her a lot. So you can try if it works for you too. Hope you get well soon. 

I'm sorry to hear you've been in pain since your operation. I have sinonasal cancer and had really bad headaches for a week after my surgery, but been ok since. My radiotherapy is also imminent, and I have similar worries about side effects, but I've been referred for proton beam therapy so waiting for a yes or no on that this week. More limbo time!! I admire you for working at all during something like this, so give yourself credit for being that strong! I hope your employer will be supportive and caring if you do have side effects from the radiotherapy, but ultimately you have to think about your own wellbeing and recovery, not the job. (I know that's easier said than done!) I'm sure life will get back to some semblance of harmony after treatment, but it'll be a new normal. That's good enough for me though.

I was awake all night, gave up on sleeping and watched MasterChef and read my book. Avoided nightmares though! Mine seem to be variations on a theme... I have to look after a random child in difficult situations and I always lose them! I guess it's an outflowing of my feelings of lack of control over anything at the moment! They would almost be funny if not so horrible!

I am only close friends with one person who's suffered from cancer, and hers was breast cancer. She told me her side effects from radiotherapy weren't bad, just sore skin in the targeted area, and tiredness. She had chemo too. I know that's just one person, and we're all different, but it's a positive story as she's cancer free now, so I wanted to share that with you.

My Macmillan nurse told me that it's normal for our emotions to fluctuate, even from minute to minute! That helped me a lot, stopped me feeling so freaky and out of control! I just remind myself that eve ry emotion passes, however overwhelming. I read a Buddhist quote once, something like... 'emotions are the weather on the landscape of consciousness'. We just have very unpredictable weather right now - hurricanes and tidal waves!

This forum is so great for sharing experiences and just rambling, knowing that other people here understand. Don't know what I'd have done without it lately. Thanks for replying to me x

Thank you! yes this is a great place to let it all out! It’s good to talk and put our feelings down in print! The nicest thing that has happened is that my mother God rest her soul has popped up twice in my dreams, so that for me is a good sign! On both occasions she was fast asleep! So I guess that’s  telling me to rest too and perhaps not worry do much. Let’s keep telling or singing to our subconscious minds that everything is going to be alright! Xx 

Thank you, I can access counselling through work so may resort to it if it doesn't improve. I thought it was down to the waiting before surgery and after that I'd be ok, but there's more waiting.

I agree, it's so good to feel that I'm not the only one. Xx