Hi, I am new to this forum, or any other, and I hope I am in the right place to share my position and hopefully receive some guidance.  My husband had cancer 5 years ago, it was rare for men and he then received the news that he had BRCA 2 gene which sadly has been passed onto our two children. 

My husband completed his treatment and as of today, all is well. However, living with BRCA 2 is literally frying his brain.  I feel so detached from him as any news about cancer sends him deeper into his hole he has dug.  He knows he 'dodged' the first round but he is now waiting for the train to come down the line second time round and is literally living in wait (his words).  One of our children took the bull by the horns and had a preventative double mastectomy, the other is keeping very quiet at the moment. This is not something I feel I can talk to him about as he will adopt the failure personna, which I know I need to avoid.

Like everyone, we all know someone else who has or has had cancer and sadly this week cancer is responsible for a close friend undergoing surgery for the second time, my brother in law passing away and now my brother has been diagnosed. Whilst he gave me a hug when I told him about my brother he disappeared upstairs to deal with it.  I know him well enough so know that he compartmentalising it, but meanwhile he had left me. After that there was no comfort.

I feel like I am being selfish but I am so angry. I want to scream at him. He no longer has cancer but its almost like he is living his life according to it. Don't get me wrong, he has a very positive outward image and not many people see this side of him (although he did say to my best friend that would be dead soon because BRCA would get him).

This is causing no end of damage to our relationship and I would welcome any guidance on what I need to do or not do.