Hi there , so sorry to read your post . You can always find someone to talk to on here . If you don’t mind me saying , you really need to talk to someone even if it means having a good cry! Maggie’s are very good . You can either ring and talk to someone or ring and make an appointment to go in . It’s very hard putting a brave face on all the time , and talking it through can help. Maggie’s also offer courses , therapies etc so it’s worth googling them x Sending a hug and I wish you well ! 

Hi Stu,

Whoever told you that you were “terminal” last October was obviously wrong as terminal generally means that death is probable within six weeks! Very few health professionals are stupid enough to attach that label to someone because outcomes and timelines are so hard to predict. 

Incurable is a better term, but even that is problematic as some of us live for years with an incurable cancer diagnosis. 

How are you feeling physically, are you undergoing palliative care to treat your symptoms or are you on a watch and wait status? All these factors will affect your mental wellbeing but the uncertainty of thinking you’re past your use by date is bound to be the biggest factor. I say this from experience - having been told one October that I had advanced (stage 4) cancer and that I might not see Christmas. 

Stage 4 and terminal are easily and often confused and conflated - they do not mean the same thing. Some people can die of a primary cancer that hasn’t spread just as some people whose cancer has spread can beat the odds and survive.

Have you sat down with you oncologist and put them on the spot about timescales? You could start by asking why, having been told you were terminal ten months ago, you’re still alive and what your current prognosis is. 

Counselling or some sort of talking therapy might help your state of mind but knowing the up to date facts is essential. Hard to come to terms with the facts if there’s doubt hanging over what those facts are.

If the news is grim, you can start planning around that (I’d even chosen the playlist for my wake) if it’s more optimistic than you’d imagined, you can reset your expectations and make plans to get the most out of the remaining time you and your husband have left together. 

Best wishes and good luck!

Dave

Many thanks for your reply Dave. Thoroughly enjoyed reading it.