Hello Crow_

I'm so very sorry to hear that you're struggling with the effects that treatment is having on your body. I know that we've had many people post on the forum sharing how they have struggled with the impact that treatment has had on them and how it has affected the quality of their daily lives, including their mental health. 

I would strongly encourage you to reach out to the team responsible for your cancer care as well as your GP to talk about how you're feeling. Self-harming is a coping mechanism for the pain and distress you're feeling but it's not going to improve your situation nor change things for the better, it does and will only continue to cause more harm. 

I'm unsure from your posts if you're still having regular treatment for your cancer and seeing the clinical team, or if your hospital visits are less often now and you're maybe taking a post-treatment medication. Reach out to your GP and clinical nurse specialist on Monday and let them know just how low you're feeling and how much you're struggling. If you're particularly struggling with the intrusive thoughts of self-harm or suicide over the weekend then you can call NHS 111 for support and to get the ball rolling in your taking back control of your health.  

I know in previous posts that you mentioned you live alone. Know that there is always someone there to listen if you reach out Crow. It may be that you continue to post here on the forum or that you want to call the Samaritans, who are available 24/7 with a listening ear. 

I know that your care team will not want you to be struggling as you've described and I'm sure that they will be keen to discuss ways in which they can help you to move forwards to a better quality of life. Give them a call and ask for their help. 

You've made the first steps in reaching out for help Crow by posting here on the forum and I'm sure that there will be other community members who post to share their words of advice and support with you. Just know that you are not alone in how you feel and we are here to support you. 

Keep in touch. 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Thanks for your kind and thoughtful reply Jenn

Hi crow 

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling like this have you finished treatment now or are you still having treatment ? 
love Lara ️

Thanks Lara. I am just supposed to be on a drug called ado-trastuzumab emtansine until May and taking Tamoxifen for 5 years but I have stopped these. Otherwise all my treatment is done.

Dear Crow, we are hear for you, sorry your having such a rotten time just now. Been there though not recently 20 years ago.  Please speak to GP. For help. Do find inner strength is there family near to comfort you I do hope you continue, nice to chat love pip.

Thanks Pipestril. Hope you are feeling better yourself these days. No my family don't even know about the cancer, we don't have that kind of relationship. I know your advice is good but don't think I can face the GP and there's nothing they can do really and it usually takes a few weeks to get an appointment. I might try a local cancer charity tomorrow. I am just consumed with wishing I could turn back the clock and make a different decision even though it's a futile and pointless wish.

Crow 

I'm also taking tamoxifen 

have you got a partner or children you can chat with ? 
love Lara ️

[@laraj]‍ No I don't have a partner or kids. Hope you are doing ok on Tamoxifen. I saw your recent threads and wanted to reply since you are kind enough to reply to mine, but I don't have experience of the specific issues you're dealing with - hope someone will be able to help.

While you are on treatment for cancer the Doc has a duty of care to you. If you call the practice & explain I hope you get a positive outcome for appointment on day of call. Please distract yourself a short walk plant some seeds & see them grow to beautiful flowers. In Scotland I too could meet, I respect your feelings .Hugs pip