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Such a lonely journey!

shalaway
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Anyone else pushing friends, family away?

I feel like everyone is trying to control me since this cancer diagnosis. I know they mean well but it's driving me crazy!

All I want from others is to let me be. If I want help I will ask for it. I am such an independent person I find all this faffing about me very intrusive and far from natural.

I go to radiotherapy, my Mother insists on driving me and sitting at appointments.

I go to chemotherapy, she is waiting there too.

If I want to go to "Maggies" to talk with others who understand she doesn't want to go there so because she has driven me to the hospital I am being isolated from individuals that I might take some advice from.

I should say that in week one of treatment I took a reaction to my chemotherapy tablets which induced terrible dizziness, chest pain and other worrying side effects which is why my Mother is wrapping me up in cotton wool so to speak. We lost my Dad to bowel cancer also in 2020 and I know that she is simply terrified something will happen to me too.

However I will be 50 this year and feel like a 5yr old being taken to the Dr. (I am now week 5 into treatment with 10 rounds of radiotherapy to go, have had 18 to date. I am no longer having heart issues/pain in the chest and the dizziness has subsided) Can anyone relate to my dilemma?

  • Offline in reply to laraj

    Hi Lara,

    Treatment finished on the 10th March & the 2weeks after it were horrendous, just as the team had warned me off as my regime was particularly harrowing and apparently the strongest, most intensive radiotherapy given which now explains the burns to my skin within the whole pelvic region. I thought the diarrhoea & the 'the accidents' were never going to end and it got me quite down but I am reassured that my intestines were obviously irritated by the treatment & while I could visualise and feel the mess of my skin on the outside, goodness only knows how it was looking on the inside, which now helps me to understand why I am to wait a number of weeks before my first post treatment scan so there is time for the body to heal and for inflammation to settle so accurate readings can be reported when I get a date for return for my post chemo/radiotherapy scan which will likely be early June.

    I am in that limbo stage that I hate...waiting for anything was never a strong point!

    Worried that if there is any cancer left that this is the time my body becomes more vulnerable again & it terrifies me but trying to stay up beat & positive.

    My skin has much improved. Was like a really bad sun burn all over the pelvic area and was sore till the original skin turned black & fell off. The new skin perfect underneath but extremely sensitive.

    Loosing my hair was a big blow as it happened almost overnight. While having a conversation with my husband & friends and counting my blessings that my hair was still healthy and feeling grateful, it was very alarming in the shower the next day to find my hair all over my hands and down the walls. A moment I will never forget but am rocking the head scarfs and knitted my own hats to match the other knitwear I have created. Always find a positive from every negative is my mantra. Moving forward is key x

    How are things with you Lara? x

  • Offline in reply to Managingit

    Thank you for your message. It's very much appreciated.

    I agree that my Mother is going through a tough time but it's more fear of the unknown after loosing Dad to bowel cancer that was not investigated till much too late. Then for me to find myself in exactly the same position due to further professional negligence is a lot for any family to deal with.

    I have to say Mam is a little more relaxed now that the treatment is completed although I know she is stressing about the pending results but we have to take one day at a time and put trust in our own destiny.

    A chat with my oncologist was helpful and she agreed that although time does not stand still for anyone, it's important that I receive positive support, honesty and space when required and that there is no need to try to change me. Cancer is the imposter and I am doing my best to keep living, always loving and remaining positive about my future and that of our family unit which includes Mam too.

    Cancer sucks but until there is a cure it has a hold over it's victims with little mercy but every now and again someone out there gets a little bit closer to a new "normal" and we can only hope that each and every one of us has a shot at that opportunity.

    Goodluck to us all x

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