Hi – you could contact the charity Changing Faces which has lots of tips and advice plus a support line for those dealing with the psychological impact of a changed appearance.

Thank you Rose

I have had changes in how I look and am trying to do other things to help my self esteem, like doing my nails, wearing nice clothes and getting my hair done more regularly. I know they are really small things but they comfort me.

Hi Rovay

Thanks for your thoughtful reply.

I think I will follow your strategy and concentrate on improving my appearance in other ways. By wearing my best clothes more often, always wearing a fresh ironed shirt, polished shoes etc  Shave properly each day and keep up with regular haircuts.

I had not even considered approaching my disfigurement from this angle before reading your post.

Thanks AuntieJ

The problem I have is probably with me, I seem to notice people being curious and looking at my face because it is now different and unusual, whether this is real or imagined I dont really know. I think this is normal human behaviour and nobody means any ill will.

I am very self conscious about it and it is harder to come to terms with it than I imagined.

I can recommend Changing Faces it's a charity for people with facial disfigurement.

www.changingfaces.org.uk

If you look different, people are naturally curious, children can stare. It's best to prepare and to perhaps mention you've noticed them looking - and a short explanation of what has happened. I think that's what one of the founders of Changing Places recommends.

But I am not surprised that you are self conscious. Body image is very important, We have images of plumped up lips and ridiculously toned bodies forced upon us from all directions. Lots of women develop depression because they can't live up to these ideal images. We are meant to feel bad so we can buy a lot of make up or clothing to try and make us close to the ideal.

Examine your face and how it is now. There may be parts of it you are happy with. Do you like your hair? Or has that gone? Can you accept you look different? Can you get support from friends and family to help you accept your looks? Is what you look like really so terrible?

I am now 67 and I am very wrinkly and have bushy eyebrows but I still look better if I smile and laugh. My teeth are all chipped as well. I think I feel better now because I have other interests. I do my garden, I look and listen to birds. I go and visit my  mum who is 96 in April. I try and laugh at how silly life is. Just when you think everything is fine you trip up or get snot coming out of your nose. 

Don't go into hiding please. It's bad enough having a changed face, without having to hide away. I hope I haven't made you feel any worse. I am not an expert, but I have had acne, I suffered for years with it. And I had a mastectomy in September last year. I now have a reconstructed breast that looks nothing like the other one and doesn't have a nipple. My husband likes it better than the old one! There's no accounting for taste.

Thank you for your words of encouragement AuntieJ and for taking time to write such a lovely reply.

An old post but is anyone currently active on this forum experiencing the OP's situation of facial disfigurement.

Previous and the most recent surgery Ive had to my head have left hideous large deep scars the biggest and most recent 10cm x 5cm.

When I first  showed my OH after the dressings were removed, I could see she was physically shocked.

I also experience "looks" from passers-by and am reluctant to leave the house.

Ive checked out Changing Faces as recommended but feel that any tips from someone who has experienced this on this forum may be more useful.

Ed

Hi Ed,

I'm a member of the Macmillan website head and neck cancer forum. There are some people on there who have undergone facial surgery as part of their treatment and are in remission and living a good life. I'm sure they'll be able to give you some advice and support. 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/head-neck-cancer-forum