Lonely

Hi...I was diagnosed in November with breast cancer. Ive had a mastectomy 4 weeks ago and due to start chemo in 2 weeks. The care has been absolutely fantastic.

The reason for my post is that I live alone, my partner (it was only 6 months) dumped me before Xmas when I had my hair cut (ahead of chemo) as he couldn't cope. I lost my husband to cancer 12 years ago. I have fab parents and sister but feel so alone. I can't date with chemo coming up and don't have any friends locally (I used to live abroad) Until the diagnosis I did loads of exercise and made friends that way, but I cant join in their activities anymore.

I would welcome any suggestions or advice on how I can make friends or any groups I can join? Im 51 and usually really confident but feeling so alone right now 

xxx

ps Im not sure if this is the right area to post this subject? Thnak you xx

  • Hello.

    I'm 5 years older than you.  But just wanted to say about the loneliness.

    I have a partner,  he's great.

    But when I moved from a different county its been so hard to make friends,  I'm lonely too.

    You said you did exercise before..

    Well there are other things , where I am there's a club or whatever you'd call it.  But it's name is mindspace. 

    They do different activities. 

    From yoga, tea and chat, or walking and making things I'm trying to join in slowly. 

    I suffer from extreme anxiety and I worry I won't fit 

    In but I'm trying  

    So I wonder if there's something like that where you live 

    You can always chat away to me.

    I'm sorry to hear about how your partner treated you.

    And condolences for your husband x

    Best wishes 

    Michelle x

     

     

  • Hi Michelle,

    Thank you so much for your reply...Im definately going to see if there any similar groups locallly. I just want life to be like it was before, but know it can't. Im sorry you have anxiety, that makes it even tougher to meet new people...i really appreciate the advice, thank you xxx

  • Join a local singing group - many community choirs don't audition and as long as you enjoy a sing a long you will be fine. It's good exercise for breathing, gets the endorphins going and you'll make friends. 

    If you enjoy reading see if you have a local reading club - try the local library for any local groups that you may find of interest. 

    Consider voluntary work? I volunteer for my local Air Ambulance - I work on our stall at fundraising events - a few hours here and there - and I've made a great circle of friends as well as attending fairs, concerts etc.that I normally wouldn't have known about.

    I hope you find something that is right for you and that brings you a new circle of friends.

    Angie (Stage 3 melanoma patient since 2009)

  • Its awful, i hide it..

    Best wishes to you xx

    I think Angie T has helped me in what she's just said.

  • Thanks so much Angie I appreciate your reply. The singing group is a great idea which had never crossed my mind. I'd love to do voluntary work and tonight about this after chemo as not sure how well I'll be and would hate to let people down... I hope you're doing ok with your diagnosis xxx

  • It is awful... I just want to get on and live ( preferably without losing my hair!) but one day at a time. Today I'm going to look for a singing group to join... I hide it too from my family as they are all so great, but have their iown lives too. I hope you find somewhere to make new friends too xxx

  • I'm glad you are going to look into a local singing group. Community choirs are becoming more popular and springing up everywhere so hopefully you will find one that suits you. Look into volunteering whilst you are recovering from any chemo side effects you may have (hopefully you won't suffer from any). Find charities where you don't have to commit to a number of hours each month. Our Air Ambulance volunteers are very flexible - we are sent an event calendar and we choose as many or few events we want to attend. I have been ill with pancreatitis for the last year and haven't been able to attend but I'm going to ease myself back gently next month by doing a couple of hours in our charity shop. Good luck and let us know how you get on with your treatment and new hobbies xx