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Recurrence

Daisy-A
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I survived acute leukaemia in 2005 and stage breast cancer in 2015.  I've been feeling unwell with multiple symptoms for months, and I saw my consultant on Monday. They took blood and I had a CT scan yesterday. Today I got a call to come in to see the consultant for the results tomorrow. I know that they don't call you the day after a CT scan to come in and receive face to face results if it's good news. I'm so scared. My son is ten years old. I'm 42. When I had my breast cancer treatment, they had to give me less chemotherapy than the usual protocol because I'd already had so much chemo for leukaemia (6 months of brutal treatment in an isolation ward). I think this is it. I don't know how my husband and my son will manage if I die, particularly my son of course. I'm panicking and so frightened.

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    Hi Daisy,

    I'm so sorry you're going through this again, I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling.

    What symptoms have you been experiencing if you don't mind me asking? Maybe there is a benign reason for them and that's what they want to talk to you about.

    It is completely normal that you would feel this way after what you've been through.

    I'm sorry I can't offer any advice, but if you want to chat, I'm always here.

    Take care,

    May x

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    Hi Daisy,
    I wouldn't read too much into you being asked to come in so soon after the scan. Judging by the posts on this site, it does not make any difference. Good news is sometimes delivered very quickly, or only after several weeks. Wishing all the very best for tomorrow.

    x Harry

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    Hi Daisy,

    A very warm welcome to our forum.I am so sorry to hear of all that you have been through and can appreciate your concerns. However, I agree with Harry, in that the speed with which we get our results has no bearing on the outcome our results.

    I shall be thinking of you tomorrow and hope that all goes well. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Thank you all so much for being there and your kind words and support. The news wasn't good. The cancer has returned and it's in my bones. There are treatment options, but the aim of treatment will be to give us time. I'm having a bone biopsy on Tuesday which will give us a clearer picture and seeing my oncology consultant. They couldn't tell me whether we are talking months or years yet. It's not in my lungs or brain yet. I'm 42 and my boys are only 10 and 11. Leaving them is my worst nightmare. I only received this news this morning so I'm feeling shocked and numb. I'm so worried about telling people. We are not going to tell the boys anything more than they need to know, when they need to know.

  • Offline in reply to Daisy-A

     

    Hi Daisy,

    I am so sorry to hear this and can fully understand how you are feeling tonight. I am glad to hear that you don't have too long to wait for your bone scan. It is good news that the cancer hasn't reached your brain or lungs. I hope that your oncologist can offer you more hope when you see him/her. Perhaps there is a trial that you could participate in?

    The thought of leaving your husband and your boys behind must truly be a nightmare. Instead of dwelling on this, try to make special memories with them all whilst you are well enough to do so. They will treasure these for many years. You might also consider writing letters to them all for key moments in their lives. I know that this is not for everyone, but it might offer you all some comfort. Have a word with your nurses about telling the boys. They can usually offer some good advice.

    Please keep in touch and remember that we are always here for you.
    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Thank you so much Josaline. I would really like to leave my boys and my husband with as much as I can. I want to record myself reading stories, I want to write them letters for stages of their lives. I am going to ask all the mums of their friends to support them and try and leave them with as many mum figures as I can. And I want to make as much joy and spend as much time with my loved ones as possible m. I'm praying I have years.

    our plan is to tell the boys only what they need to know, when they need to know and I'm going to seek help about how to talk to them and what to say and what not to say.

    thank you so much for being here. It's so kind, and it means so much to have an outlet. There are so many people to tell and I hate to think of the pain this will cause my mum. She lives alone in France. I spoke to her closest friend today, and have asked him to go and stay with her so she won't be alone when I break the news.

    Thank you

    Daisy x

  • Offline in reply to Daisy-A

     

    Hi Daisy,

    You will hopefully have many years yet, but it is just as well to be prepared. Recording your voice is something I hadn't thought about, but I must confess that I would give anything to hear my Mum's voice again - she passed from secondary cancer  before i was diagnosed. Another thing you can do is to make memory boxes and to take plenty of photos of you all together - you'd be amazed just how precious these become when a loved one is no longer with us.

    As for telling the boys. They are of an age when they'll know that something is not right. Children also have big ears and can often overhear a conversation in the house or on the phone, which can be worse. Most children cope with this situation better, once they are kept in the loop. You don't have to give them chapter and verse, just something that is appropriate to their ages.

    I am glad that you have managed to persuade your Mum's best friend to stay with her when you tell her your news. As for telling others, you'll only have to tell one or two, before you find out just how efficient the bush telegraph is. I shall be thinking of you and hope that you manage to stay strong for this.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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