We have 4 children together and had just taking on my brothers 2 children under an SGO before the bombshell of the diagnosis.
I have carried on working full time, running a home and looking after the 4 smaller children. I do all the school runs and clubs. The SGO children have additional needs too.
I spent weeks crying after we found out he had cancer. all those thoughts of the unknown were terrifying. But I carried on and supported the children and my husband through 3 major operation to prolong his life. We have no idea how long he now has.
Since he went on the sick from work on full pay he's started being really mean to me. He calls me fat (size 10 to 12) but that's the weight I put on because of the sertraline drug and probably having no time to take care of myself. I haven't meant to let myself go.
He watches every penny I spend. Gets angry if I've not replied to a message. If hes used his bank card for a household item he transfers it back to himself from my account (joint account where only my wages go) , even if its £1.
I tried to speak with him over the money once, I got shouted at and he threw money at me.
He's not the person he was. Cancer destroys everything. I feel trapped . I can't escape. I dont want to leave him, I love him but he doesn't seem to care about my feelings. If I try and talk to him ,he just plays the cancer card.
I went out with a friend the other night. A few days later he starts telling me where I've been and how much I spent. He questions everything I do on a daily basis.
I've started staying longer at work because I don't want to be at home. I prefer work to home.
He shouts at the kids unnecessary and me. He's an angry person sometimes. He wakes me up almost every morning by shouting at the kids to shut up. Then he falls back to sleep and I'm there left awake. Not a nice way to start the day.
He's back at work now but nothing has changed.he works full time but half is in the office and half at home. He just sits in the same place on the sofa surrounded by mess.
He was even reluctant to help book a venue for one of the childrens birthdays last year. I ended up bursting into tears because I wasn't able to find the time to find and book somewhere. I felt I was letting my daughter down.
He shouts at me if I ask him to help find Xmas or birthdays presents , even if I've told him what to get. I just dont have the time.
It feels so wrong even having a negative opinion on my poor husbands life. I can only imagine what he's feeling. But I'm so tired, I can't breathe. I want a little freedom. I fed up being invisible.
I'm not superwoman
