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Being the daughter of two unwell parents

elliexf_
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I'm really struggling right now, 

My dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer it's still early days of testing as they've found it on his left lung a few weeks ago ...he's fallen into a depressed state and constantly shouting at my mum. My mum has always done everything for him and she is not well and been diagnosed with fibromyalgia for 3 years now and doesn't sleep due to her pain but nothing seems to help her. I'm just struggling what to do I feel useless and my mental health is taking a toll with all this illness and negative energy around me but I feel guilty if i just lock myself up in my room. I suppose this is a rant but at the same time i'd just like some wisdom on how to deal with all of this stress and how others have dealt with the stress around them during difficult times like these. I feel bad for carrying on with my life like normal. I feel guilty.

  • Hi elliexf_,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat. Firstly I'm sorry to hear of the difficult situation with your parents - this sounds really tough and a lot going on. It's natural to feel this way and no doubt it is a lot to handle especially if you are living at home with them.

    In terms of you - it's really important to take care of yourself as well as those around you. This situation will be having an impact on you and so you need to find ways to help manage this. One of these is reaching out to others. This can be in person - other family or friends - or via other avenues, such as this forum. We are always here for support if ever you need it, whether it's to rant, just to write things down, or to speak to others who understand.

    There is also other help available, for example Hope, who offer support to younger people who have a loved one who has an illness.

    Do what you can to support your parents if you feel able to, but be sure to take time to take care of you too, and don't feel guilty for doing this. Keep up with things you enjoy, and keep taking things one day at a time.

    Also once your dad has all the information he needs, there will be some next steps and hopefully this will help a little in terms of managing things.

    Take care and wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

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    So sorry for what you're going through. My mum was recently diagnosed and my dad also has a long term health condition, I'm in a similar boat and cycling through guilt/ anger/ fear what feels like every five minutes. It's life altering news and having to get up and navigate the day-to-day afterward feels surreal.

    Please look after yourself however you can, even in small ways (a cup of tea/ hot drink of choice is a good start, from my XP), and remember that your wellbeing and boundaries are important too - you can't pour from an empty cup. Reach out to friends and other family members if you can, you're deserving of support and care in this situation just as much as your parents are. Your dad's oncology team should be able to offer some support around his mental health post-diagnosis as well as support for you and your mum, and if there's a Maggie's centre near you/ that you're able to get to, I highly recommend them - they've been incredible when I've needed a brew and a cry and a "why us" moment. Please take care. 

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