Hello Lauof, 

A warm welcome to Cancer Chat. I am so sorry to hear about your gran's diagnosis. It must be devastating news for you and your family. You are absolutely not selfish - you obviously love your gran very much and you go and visit her which I am sure gives her a lot of joy and you are right to want to spend as much quality time with her as possible at the moment. If your gran has made it clear that she doesn't want you around more often, then I think you should respect her wishes and carry on spending that day with her. It's a good idea to keep offering her practical help like housework or simply to ask her if she needs anything, any shopping for example done for her. 

You don't need to do anything better I think you are doing amazingly showing her how much you care about her. It's normal that when you are alone sometimes you need to cry and perhaps it makes you feel better to release all these emotions. You are definitely not putting negative energy into the universe and you are not selfish at all. If you feel that you are feeling really down about it, it wouldn't hurt to talk to your GP about all this so don't hesitate to make an appointment and talk things through with your doctor if you feel this would help you in any way.

Hopefully you will meet others on this forum who will understand what you are going through at the moment and they will be along shortly to share their story with you. It helps to talk to others who have been in a similar position before. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Lauof,

Bless you, this is such an awful situation. I agree with all that Lucie has said. You most certainly are not being selfish. It sounds as if you are doing all that you can at present, but things may change with time. Your gran is likely to get more tired as time passes and she may need you more frequently then. It sounds as if she is keeping relatively well at present, so try to make the most of this time. Instead of worrying about the future, try to make memories that you will treasure long after she has gone.

A cancer diagnosis affects the whole family. You are obviously very close to her, so naturally don't want her to leave. Try not to look into the future, but take things day by day, or even hour by hour if necessary. I see that Lucie has suggested that you talk to your GP. Another thing that might help you is to talk to a counsellor. Your GP could possibly arrange this. Some cancer organisations such as Maggie's oor the Haven also offer these services. Your doctor should know of other organisations local to you.

Talking things through with a stranger is often easier than talking to family or friends and, they may be able to suggest a few coping strategies. Do you have any family  who can support you in caring for your gran? It does help to have someone who you can talk openly to. The way you are feeling when you are at home is perfectly normal. It is the way that most of us feel when in a similar situation.

Please keep in touch and remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx