Hi, Started to write this and is difficult to explain so salient point are:

Couple : Separated (three years); Husband (me) diagnosed with epilepsy six years ago still having absentee seizures; Wife diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago. Two Childern 12 and 14. Husband lives in different country to wife and children. Wife's mother died of breast cancer about twenty years ago.

My wife and I remain very close but she has been very guarded about her treatment and I only know a certain amount. She is stage IV and she has just found out from the doctor that it has metatasized to the bone (she had a lot of shoulder pain which initially suspected as muscle but actually fractured shoulder) and it is suspected to have also spread the liver. Still waiting to get information from an oncologist.

I want to ensure that kids are ok and be around as much as possible for them and her (as much as she can cope with anyway), I am not working at present so can travel quite easily and at very short notice.

So many thoughts going around in my head such as how can I help ? I am just the fathers children now? if I have a seizure that is something neither of us need (they are driven by stress)) then am I just adding to the problem and would be better staying away (which is what was happening before all of this), Her shoulder has stopped her driving, and the epilepsy stops me driving so can't  help getting to appointmentsand and whilst technically still her husband I doubt she would want me there. etc etc. . Fortunatley her family all live very close by and her brother will take care of her financially. She has already asked about the terminal illness benefit on our life assurance but I know she is rubbish with money and has always bullied me with it (one of the reasons for our separation) and don't want be bullied into doing something with it when it is not perhaps in anyones best interest. Kids have trust for their school fees of which I am not a trustee, Should the prognisis be bad (and I hope that it isn't) my kids lives will be run by her family and by default mine too. Whilst that sounds harsh we are separated for a reason to extracat myself from that arrangement  If she is still here then it is not a problem and carry on as before. If not then what?

Don't know where I stand or what to do except that I am very sad.