Hi Roseiem,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear about your husband. This is such a hard journey for both of you.We lost a loved one earlier this year and found it particularly difficult with Covid. All you can do is to take things day by day, or even hour by hour when necessary. Looking into the future is totally overwhelming. Just deal with one thing at a time.

I hope that you have a good support system at home.

I am thinking of you both and I am always here if I can be of any help.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thankyou for your words of encouragement.  My daughter said the same thing. The future is to overwhelming it just makes me cry to the point if not being able to function    . So I push those thoughts away. But hard in the night.   Covid has made it hard as during the first hospital stance in June and July 2020 we could visit. But one positive ( if you could have one ) is we got to spend a lot if time together. 

Hi Roseiem,

Night times are always hard. There are so many questions whirling around in your head and you have time to reflect and give reign to your imagination. This probably means that you're not getting a proper night's sleep either, which makes it more difficult to cope. Do you have any carers coming into support you?

We found it very hard with Covid and not being able to visit. this is so tough when a loved one is nearing the end.

I am always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hello,

Just read your post and wanted to say lm really sorry to hear your situation and l hope you find the strength to deal with everything. Big hugs and prayers to you and your husband x

Thank you for you words of support.

The situation is rapidly deteriorating. Now on a morphin pump and has no strength,   He now has a stoma [coompletely block] tpn line for night feeds, nasal drain for the stomach and pump for morphin.

Whilst I love him very much and want him to stay with us we know it is agonising and a struggle everyday..  He was always a physically strong person before cancer [ had manual jobs most of his working life and built up a really good core strength] . I feared it would be slow decline because of this.

I liken myself to being in a paralel universe on a train track with no getting of till the end and my husband on the one next door going towards the end. 

I'm really sorry to hear of this awful time. My mother in law lost her just to Covid in 2020. They had been married over 60 years and she too has cancer for the second time and although we support her as much as we can, she lives on her own.

It was at the beginning of the pandemic and it was brutal because he was told he didn't have Covid. He became more and more ill and the GP finally came out and diagnosed it and he died at home within 48 hours. We couldn't be with them as it was lockdown and we couldn't go inside or give her a hug etc for months afterwards.

I know her advice would be to take it day by day and the future will take care of itself. She got a cat, has the radio playing all day and has lots of hobbies. She also pushes herself to keep busy even if she doesn't feel like it. Obvs this approach isn't for everyone but she tries not to think about things too much. She knows she'll never get over it but can live with it. She was very tearful for about a year but now has good days mixed with the decreasing bad ones. Luckily she has no money worries and a nice home. It was the small things that really stressed her out like paying a bill etcbut she didn't want to overly rely on us so we showed her how to do stuff and she is now mainly independent.

I don't know if it's something you can ever really prepare for but a good support network I think is essential.