Hi,

So I was a Christian for most of my life but my ex prodded at my faith which had never been questioned before, and I lost it at about 23. I'm 29 now and have struggled with it on and off all that time. Sometimes I still pray when I'm anxious. I ask for help even though I feel no one is listening, and that it's more likely there is no God, I can't help it. Then the next day I ask myself what I was thinking and it's like the cycle repeats itself.
 

I am an anxious person and I suppose I'm scared of facing the prospect of cancer essentially alone if nothing exists spiritually. I'm scared of death. I'm scared of not living the years with my partner, even though I might not even have cancer.
 

Even at the point where I was at the most bad mentally I kept finding feathers, but then I knew there were geese that live nearby. I feel like I just can't accept spiritual things anymore without trying to put something logical down. I just can't settle on what I believe and what I want to be, Christian or Atheist. 

Does anyone have any thoughts? is anyone here religious or not? I would love to hear your opinions and stories.

edit: the vent actually helped. I feel better now.