Welcome to the Cancer Chat community Emmnic although I'm very sorry to hear that your dad's cancer has started growing again and for the difficult feelings and emotions this has brought up.

We have a lot of information and advice about counselling on our website but as Chris86G has mentioned, your GP should be able to help as well so do try booking in with them when you can as they will be able to tell you what services and support are available in your area.

For those times of the day or night when you are feeling overwhelmed or struggling to manage the thoughts and feelings you may be having, such as the one you mentioned above, do consider giving the Samaritans a call. They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on 116 123. They are there to listen and will support you as much as they can.

You may also find it helpful to talk with the bereavement charity CRUSE. They aren’t just there for people who are bereaved but can help with anticipatory grief e.g. when you need support in anticipation of losing a loved one. Many of our members have experienced this, so will know what you're going through and hopefully you'll receive some more kind words and advice from them soon. In the meantime, you can find out more about anticipatory grief on the CRUSE website and The Good Grief Trust.

I can't begin to imagine how tough this must be for you, but I hope it helps to know you're not alone and that support is available to help you through this difficult time.

Our community are here for you Emmnic.

Best wishes to you both,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator