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My beautiful wife

Bigjohn76
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Beautiful wife that just been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and bone cancer and I just cannot handle the thoughts of her not being here you anymore we've been trying to get her into the doctors for all the 12-months and the doctors kept saying no one or seen anybody is a prescription for some co-codamol for the pain this is before she was even diagnosed with cancer blaming Covid so bomb ride I don't know how to do this this is my rock she's the one who helped me through everything and I just cannot see me without my wife if we also so lost my daughter 2 years in September so I'm also still dealing with this if anybody Dr can advise anything for me most appreciated thank you you

 

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    Welcome to our forum Big John 76, my husband has stage 4 lung cancer and we're now four years further on, even though we saw doctors and had x rays he still wasn't diagnosed in time so I understand how mad you must be feeling.  It's awful thinking ahead and picturing the worst so although it's early days for you to get your head around it all, my one and only piece of advice would be to let each day be a fresh day.  What I mean is to live each day as best you can for the two of you, we managed that and it worked for us, a bad day may turn into a good day, so each little cuddle and kiss and conversation is a stepping stone to the next day.  Speak to friends and ask for help, use all the services available to you both, consult your dedicated McMillan team and call your GP for some help to get you through it all, no one can help until you ask for it or you will dig an even darker hole and be totally lost to all of it.  I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, that must still be awfully raw for you to cope with.  There are nurses on this forum that you can call and chat to, so do that as talking does help a lot.  I'll follow your thread and pop by again if you reply.  I check my posts each day so you won't be forgotten about.  Sending my best wishes to you and your family.  Carol 

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    BigJohn76

    Hi Big John76

    So sorry to read  what your going through,losing your daughter 2 years ago,and now having to deal with your wife's cancer diognosees, that's really tough on you,life can be so cruel sometimes.

    But you will get through it you will be surprised at just how strong you actualy are,your love for your wife and seeing what she will go through will kick in your upper most  strengh that you never knew you had. You will be strong and be there for your wife with ,every step  she will have to take ,im sure . Yes it will be so tough,yes you will cry ,and will try to do this so your wife can't see,yes you will feel desperate in trying to say and do the right things,this is going to be very hard . But you are not the only one,who has posted things like this on this Cancer chat forum,saying that they don't think that they can cope  with the thought of losing a loved one,we all think that,we really do but we do cope we have too.  I lost my husband to suicide in 1977 my children were 12 and 15 years old, I was devastated I had been with my husband since i was 13years old.,i didn't think I'd last a day without him, let alone all these years But we do go on ,we still have our life's to live, and live them the best way we can ,and we do it. My advice to you is just take each day at a time and treasure each day  even when you are feeling low,think if it was the other way around,what would you be saying to your wife if it was you that had  had that diognosees?. You would probably be telling her that you don't want her to be sad,that we all have a beginning and an end,and that although you know it will be tough for her  you would want her to live out her life and be happy in tine without you. 

    You will always have the treasured memories locked away in your mind and your heart and the happiness and love you shared together. No one can ever take that away. 

    But if you find when the time comes, you need help and support moving forward, you can find sometimes counselling helps.  I myself after losing my husband  I decided  not to have any counselling,  I thought if I couldn't do it myself,for me and my children  I'd have failed them and myself,so I found my inner strengh,that I never knew I had, and I chose to swim,not sink .

    I really do feel for you,and hope you find your inner strengh when you need it the most, like I did and still do,  with what life's thrown at me at times..x

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