Hi Vikilx,

I am so sorry to hear of what your family is going through. It is a lot to take in when the goal posts keep changing. Sadly, you are certainly not alone in your journey. There are a number of people on this forum who are all too familiar with your situation.

If your mother-in-law has stopped eating and drinking and now has a syringe driver, it doesn't sound as if she has that long left. It is heart breaking to have to watch this. The doctors should certainly be able to control her pain, although this can make her sleepier. Don't hesitate to ask them to help out.

There is not much that I can say or do to help you. I have been through this myself and am always here for you.

Please keep in touch.

Kind regards,
Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine thankyou for your reply. She was moved into hospice on Monday this week, some days have been moments of appearing more lucid but since Wednesday a decline, barely awake and incontinence. They fitted a catheter today. They are now telling us it is likely days.

since moving to hospice they have only permitting one visitor a day ( my husband and sister in law taking turns) & though we understand this is due to COVID policy  it does mean they can't support one another at this awful time. They have had no time to process the news in the four weeks since she first attended hospital with chest infection ,let alone try and be with her all together. When in hospital up to Monday they were very flexible because of the end of life and she was able to see us & friends( in our PPE of course). It wasn't explained that this would reduce greatly if moving into hospice and feels so unjustly especially as saying it's now days. I'm not sure she would have wanted to go if she had that information beforehand.My husband is petrified it will happen when he isn't there, and he's even staying at my parents 25 miles away from home so he can get there faster. It's such a difficult time. Covid prevented us being with her in the past year and it's now preventing us being with her when she needs us most. Her pain is more controlled now which is a blessing. This four week period feels so unreal, I am preying get can be with her at the time xx

Hi Vickilx,

What a pity that you weren't told about the visiting restrictions before they moved her to the hospice. These are really tough times for anyone in this situation. There is always the fear that a loved one will pass at that moment when you are not there, so I appreciate how your husband feels. However, people often find a quiet moment to slip away.

I am sure that she is aware that he is there along with her daughter and, this probably means more to her than having them there at the end. Tell your husband to keep talking to her, even if she appears comatose, as the hearing is the last sense to go, so she will still hear him, even when this doesn't seem to be the case. I am so pleased to hear that her pain is now better controlled. This really is a blessing, as there is nothing worse than watching a loved one suffer and not being able to do anything about it.

I hope that she is more comfortable in the hospice than she was in hospital. My 97 year old father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer just 5 days before he died. He spent his last 24 hours in the hospice, where he was really well cared for.

I am hoping and praying that your husband and his sister can both be with their mum at the end - sometimes they lift the restrictions as this draws close.

Thinking of you all and wishing you the strength to get through this.

KInd regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, well her ending was what my husband described as a peaceful & beautiful one, he and his sister both holding her hand & she gently took four or so deeper breaths before passing. She slipped away at 6p.m yesterday eve  with her favourite music playing and the two most important people in her life by her side we feel a massive hole right now in the physical sense,but believe she will never truly leave our sides. 
I wanted to thank you for taking time to read my post, to take time out to reply and have compassion for another's journey, you may not realise just how much that has meant ️

Hi Vickilx,

I am so sorry to hear this and offer you all my sincere condolences. I am so glad to hear that her passing was so peaceful and that your husband and his sister were both there with her at the time. You will feel a massive hole now, but you will always carry her with you in your hearts.

You will find that there are a lot of things to do once you've got the death certificate, so you will be going through the motions in a state of denial and loss. It is not really until after the funeral that you will have time to grieve, so I hope that you will be able to arrange this soon.

Thinking of you all.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx